Twin Souls Read online

  ***

  “Hey,” Uriah said, shaking my shoulder gently a few hours later, “it’s snowing.”

  Blinking rapidly, I guiltily tried to clear thoughts of my dream guy from my mind. How did he even get in my head today? Usually being with Uriah kept him away. I tried very hard not to remember the way he had been stroking my skin. “It’s snowing?” I asked Uriah.

  “Yeah, let’s go see it.” Handing me my jacket, Uriah was already pulling on his own wool lined coat with a smile. I loved his enthusiasm. It was infectious enough to make me push the dream out of my mind. Most likely, whatever snow did fall would be gone by morning, but I had to admit that the hope of seeing the tiny flakes so early in the year had me smiling, too.

  “Come on,” Uriah said impatiently.

  “I’m coming,” I laughed. We bounded out the door and were immediately swallowed up in the storm. It was really snowing. Not just the lazy flecks we usually saw in October, but real thick, wet snowflakes. I felt like a little ceramic figurine inside a snow globe. A girlish giggle escaped my lips and I blushed under Uriah’s gaze. His grin outmatched mine.

  “I wonder if it will stick,” Uriah said, gazing at the darkening sky.

  “Probably not,” I said, “but it sure is beautiful. I wish it would snow here more often.” Santa Fe was only forty minutes away, but it got a lot more snow than we did. It made me a little jealous sometimes.

  “But that’s what makes it so special.” Uriah smiled. “I doubt people in Colorado get as excited about snow as we do here.”

   “Probably not,” I said. I could hear the bleating of Uriah’s sheep and wondered if they were enjoying the scene as much as we were.

  “Maybe we’ll go somewhere where it snows all the time someday. That would sure be a change from the desert, wouldn’t it?” Uriah mused.

  I loved it when he talked about our future together. “We could live high up in the mountains of Colorado, or maybe all the way to Alaska,” I said.

  “Alaska,” Uriah said, “I could do a lot of fishing in Alaska.”

  “I wonder what that would be like, to be so far away from the pueblo.”

  “I can’t really imagine it,” Uriah said.

  “Do you think we’ll ever leave?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  I would love the chance to get away from my father, but leaving would mean leaving my mom and my brother, Cole, too. For Uriah, it was an even more difficult choice. Not only did his parents love him, they needed him. The ranch would be too much work for them alone. He felt guilty about wanting to leave, even for college. Uriah’s sense of responsibility and devotion to his family set him apart from so many of the other guys his age. I looked at him and wondered how he could ever think he was ordinary.

  Uriah’s dark eyelashes and hair were dusted with snow, slowly melting as his body heat reached them. A snowflake fell on my cheek. Uriah brushed it away, but his fingers lingered. I felt my face grow hot at his touch. Stepping closer to him, I was unable to resist his warmth. Rising to my toes, I reached my hand behind his neck and started pulling his lips to mine. Uriah dodged me and pulled me into a hug instead.

  Irritated, I pulled back. Forget having a plan, I needed to know. “Uriah, why won’t you kiss me?”

  Surprised by my question, Uriah hesitated. “What do you mean?” he asked.

   “We’ve been dating for months now, and you still haven’t even tried to kiss me, and every time I try to kiss you, you find a way to distract me. Don’t you want to kiss me?”

  “Of course I do,” he said. “It’s just that…I…I don’t know if I can.”

  I sometimes pretended that Uriah had never kissed anyone else, but I knew for a fact that he had. Twice. I don’t think either kiss was initiated by him, he only dated girls once before dating me, but knowing that, a couple of girls had tried to change his mind about that the first chance they got. Dana was one of the two. Another reason I couldn’t stand her anymore. A really strange girl named Leslie was the other one. She apparently did that to every guy brave enough to take her out. I had no idea what Uriah meant when he said he didn’t know if he could kiss me.

  “I think you might need to explain that,” I said.

  Frowning as he thought, Uriah looked away from me for a few painfully long moments before turning to face me again. “I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a complete idiot,” he said.

  “Try.”

  “When I’m around you, Claire, I feel different, like something’s pushing me away from you. That sounds stupid enough, but when I touch you it gets worse. It honestly hurts. My strength disappears, and my body feels actual pain when I’m touching you. Most of the time, I don’t notice it anymore, but when I really want you, it’s almost too much to handle. I have never felt anything like this before.”

  He looked at me with his soft, beautiful eyes, searching for some indication of what I was thinking. I was a lot better at hiding my emotions than he was, but he probably saw my confusion anyway.

  “Look, I know this sounds really stupid, but I’m telling you the truth. I don’t know what will happen to me if I do kiss you,” he said.

  Well, I was the one who wanted an answer. I wanted to tell him that it was just his imagination, or, hopefully, him falling in love with me, but I was also the one who had tried to tell him I thought he had some kind of power over people. Although, his weird control never seemed to work on me. I argued with him about all kind of things, sometimes just to make sure I still could argue with him. Why would I be the only one able to stand up to him, but the only one who hurt him just by being around him, too?

  Did anything I was thinking even make the remotest bit of sense?

  I had no idea how to respond to what he had just told me, but for some reason, I found myself believing him.

  Hesitantly, Uriah brought his hand up to my cheek and held it there. I was instantly concerned about hurting him, and it must have showed on my face. A small shake of his head told me not to worry, but I did anyway. The space between us closed as Uriah pulled me nearer. Leaning down, he brought his lips closer to mine.

  “Uriah, wait,” I said. It was a halfhearted protest, though. I would never want to hurt him, but I wasn’t totally sure what he said made sense. And I really did want him to kiss me.

  Bringing his lips close enough that I could feel his warm breath pulsing against my skin, he paused. “I want to kiss you, Claire.”

  “But…”

  “I need to know,” he whispered.

  So did I.

  Uriah’s arms slid around me, pulling my lips to his as the snow fell around us. The icy chill in the air disappeared. Heat coursed through me as my mouth drank him in. My hands ran up Uriah’s chest to his hair, tangling in his dark locks. Every part of me felt alive, free. In that moment I could see the possibilities of my life blossom into paths I had never even dared dream about. Uriah was my key to the happiness I had always wanted.

  Standing in the middle of the snowstorm, completely alone, part of me wanted to push him further, but the beauty of the moment would have been broken. I could have stayed right there forever. Uriah slumping against the fence kept that from happening. He had to grab the railing to keep himself from sliding to the ground. Lost in the exhilaration of his kiss, I had completely forgotten about what the cost might be. Focusing, I stared at Uriah.

  I could guess that the way he was trembling had less to do with the kiss than the effect I had on him. “Uriah, are you okay?”

  “I’m great,” he said. He was grinning at me, but not as widely as he usually did.

  “No you’re not. You’re shaking. What’s going on?” I demanded.

  The slow shake of his head wasn’t answer enough, and he knew it. “I don’t know. That hurt more than I expected, but it felt amazing at the same time. I should have kissed you a long time ago.”

  He looked like he was ready to try it again. Pushing him back against
the fence, I said, “Stop it, this is freaking me out.”

  “I’m sorry, Claire. I don’t know what else to say. I’ve never felt this way around anyone else. Just you,” he said. “But it gets easier. The first time I really touched you, skin to skin, my knees buckled. But now when I touch you, I just get this sensation like I’m really tired and sore, or I have an old bruise. I barely even notice it anymore unless…well, unless I’m really wanting to be with you at the moment. All I have to do I keep kissing you, and eventually all I’ll feel is your amazing lips against mine.”

  Amazing lips, huh? Shaking my head, I tried to stay focused. “But where is this coming from?” I asked.

  “I have no idea,” he said. “Maybe you’re just too incredible for me to be around.”

  “Yeah, right.” Although, I did like the sound of that.

  Shrugging, Uriah said, “Well, maybe the Shaxoa cursed me or something. How about that?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, Uriah. You know I don’t believe in witches and crap like that. I’m being serious.”

  “So am I. I don’t know why I feel like this around you, but I don’t care. And now that I know I can survive kissing you, I plan to do it a lot more often,” he said.

  He was brushing this off now that he knew kissing me wouldn’t kill him, but I didn’t think I could let this go as easily. “Uriah, please.”

  “Claire, I’ve tried to figure it out, believe me. My parents have always told me stories about Tewa heroes and legends. I’ve tried so many times to find one that told about something like this. There aren’t many books, but the few my dad has, I’ve read. And I found nothing,” Uriah said. “I wish it would go away and just let me be with you like I want to, but I don’t think it will. I just have to learn to deal with it, I guess.”

  Bringing me back against him, he kept me close. His eyes held me. I could see that the worry that had been there before was gone. Once again, I only saw how much he cared reflected back at me. “Claire, whatever this is, me being too weak to stand being around you, or some ancient Tewa trick to keep guys away from the chief’s daughter, I don’t care. I won’t let you go just because I get a little woozy when I touch you. You mean too much to me.”

  “But I’m hurting you,” I argued.

  “You’re worth it.”

  To prove his point, he kissed me again, deeper and more passionately than the first time. I hadn’t even thought that was possible. White puffs of snow melted on our skin as we held each other. I knew I wouldn’t dream of anyone else but Uriah for a long time after this. Losing myself to him immediately, every other thought but one fled my mind. Whatever made me hurt him, I would find out what it was.

   

   

   

  9: Three Words

   

   

  Birthdays in my family were a small affair. It wasn’t that we didn’t enjoy celebrating the day, it was just a more private occasion for us, a time for family. Every year on my birthday my mother made me a special dinner, which we ate together as a family, followed by my favorite desert.

  My gift was always waiting for me on my nightstand when I woke up. I was given a reprieve from my chores and allowed to spend the day doing whatever I wanted, within reason. The day ended every year with my mother sitting next to my bed and telling me of my great grandfather, who I was named for. I had never met him, but I felt as though I knew him very well at an early age, and was proud to bear his name.

  My seventeenth birthday had passed just like all of the others. The only thing that had been missing was Claire. That was only because we hadn’t started dating yet. I wished she had been there, thinking I was being foolish at the time, never expecting that we would be together only a few short months later. What mattered, now, was that today was Claire’s seventeenth birthday, and she was dreading it. Normally, parties and Claire got along great. Dating me had changed that.

  Partly, I think Claire would just rather spend time with me than a pack of other teens, but the rest of it was that most of her old friends had completely abandoned her, thanks to me. Her birthday was making her especially nervous because of her dad. He agreed that we could date but that didn’t stop him from trying to change her mind about me every chance he got.

  After the early cold snap, it had been fairly mild weather for the last week, but we both knew it wouldn’t last much longer. Our walk to her parent’s home in the crisp October air was filled with the sound of Claire’s voice as she told me about the legends she had been studying in hopes of finding some clue about why I reacted to her like I did. It wasn't my favorite topic, and I could only make myself listen with half an ear to her story about a legendary warrior who had received a blessing from the gods, the tremendous strength of a bear, to defend his tribe from a raid. I just hoped that Claire wasn’t now trying to add my physical strength to her list of things to explain.

  There was absolutely no mystery behind my muscle. Or my quick reflexes. Claire had already tried to add those to her list, but I refused to listen to her on that one. Working on the ranch with my dad and playing every sport available made it nearly impossible not to be strong and quick. Spirits of animals or gifts from the gods had absolutely nothing to do with it. Frankly, it kind of annoyed me that Claire thought it did. It being her birthday was the only reason I didn’t ask her to stop talking about it.

  We had spent the afternoon hiking the bluffs, hiding from her enthusiastic mother and trying to get a little alone time, which seemed hard to come by lately. Claire’s mother, Sarah, had invited me to dinner tonight, which I appreciated, but the prospect of spending the evening with Claire’s father made me want to head back out into the desert. Claire practically dragged me up to the wide, double doors of her home.

  “Are you sure we have to do this?” I asked.

  “It won’t be that bad, I promise,” Claire said with a smile. “My mom won’t let him do, or say, anything stupid tonight. And neither will you. If he acts up, just tell him to knock it off and he will.”

  It was another not so subtle reference to my supposed abilities. I tried to tell her it was nothing out of the ordinary, but ever since telling her about the way touching her affected me she was more convinced than ever. She had spent the last two weeks searching books about Tewa mythology in her dad’s library. Of course, she didn’t find anything useful, just like I hadn’t. It was just a weird fluke.

  Neither of us actually believed in any of the old stories. They were just bedtime stories. That didn’t stop her from reciting legend after legend to me today to see if I thought any of them held a clue she had missed. I hated hearing the myths of our people, but I forced myself to bear it today. I refused to get mad at Claire on her birthday.  Maybe dealing with her dad tonight would at least take her mind off figuring out what was wrong with me.

  “Okay, let’s get this over with,” I said sullenly.

  Claire smiled. She found my fear of her father strangely amusing. With a deep breath, Claire pushed the door open. Lights, music, and laughing faces ambushed us. It took me a few seconds to realize it was a surprise party and not an attack. Claire laughed, hugging the guests one by one. Relief drew a deep sigh from my chest. This would make it much harder for Thomas to corner me and make his usual threats.

  Claire was back by my side, pulling me into the crowd, introducing friends and family I had never met before. Shaking hands, I knew I would never remember any of their names. Finally we made our way to Sarah. She was grinning as she pulled Claire into her arms.

  “You don’t mind do you?” she asked with a guilty smile. “I know you don’t really like big parties anymore, but I just couldn’t resist. Every girl should have a great party for her birthday, a real party, not just dinner with your boring old parents.”

  “It’s great, Mom, thanks,” Claire said, throwing me a wink. She knew I had not been thrilled not at the prospect of having to spend the night staring at her dad. “I don’t think I even know half of
these people, though.”

  Glancing around the room, my eyes settled on a group of nervous looking people standing near the fireplace. Claire was watching them as well. “Who are they?” she asked.

  “Oh, you know your father,” Sarah said with a slight frown, “he invited some business friends. He’s always on the lookout for opportunities to make new friends and business deals. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy your party.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Everything looks great,” Claire said.

  Despite Sarah’s claim that the strangers were business friends, I couldn’t help but notice that each of the families happened to have a son close to Claire’s age. I hoped that Claire had not made the same connection. In the few short months since she had confided in me how much her father’s attitude and comments hurt her, Claire had gotten much better at handling the way he treated her. His behavior still stung her, but she said that having me around made it easier to brush off the way he acted. Even still, she would not be happy if she found out her father was trying to set her up with guys who were not me. She was still pretty touchy when it came to things like that.

  “Are you hungry?” Claire asked. Her face was flushed with pleasure. She must not have seen the eager young men. “Mom said there’s food in the den. I’m starving. Do you want me to get you something?”

  Her father’s business friends were in the den. I did not want them pouncing on her and ruining her night. “How about I get you something? You just enjoy the party.”

  “Thanks, Uriah. I’m going to say hi to my Aunt Valerie. I can’t believe she came all the way from Denver for my birthday party,” Claire said excitedly. Valerie was Sarah’s sister. I had met her once before and instantly liked her. She was exactly like her sister, kind and enthusiastic. Hopefully Valerie could keep Claire occupied for a while.

  “I’ll be right back. Tell Valerie hi for me.” A quick peck that barely even affected me, and I was heading for the buffet tables stacked along two of the walls in the den. Even if Claire hadn’t been able to find out anything about the weakness and pain I felt around her, it turned out I was right about practice making perfect. The more I kissed Claire, the easier it got. Crossing over to the buffet tables, I grabbed a couple of plates. The spread looked delicious. Claire’s mother had really outdone herself. And by that I meant the caterers had outdone themselves.

  “Well, maybe you should go find her,” I heard someone whisper. It came from the direction of Claire’s wannabe suitors. It took considerable effort not to look over at them.

  “I don’t even know her. What am I supposed to say to her?” a young man whispered to his mother.

  “Tell her happy birthday for starters. Her father said he thought you would be someone she would get along with. And when Claire transfers to the high school in Santa Fe next semester she’ll want a friend to show her around. Mr. Brant is a friend of your father’s. Don’t embarrass him,” the young man’s mother hissed.

  Great, I thought, Claire was about to be ambushed by teenage boys who all thought they were going to be her new boyfriend. And what on earth was that woman talking about? Claire wasn’t transferring high schools. If Thomas even tried to bring it up, Claire would freak out. He knew that. He must be getting desperate to get her away from me. Thomas would never cease to surprise me. I really wished I knew why he hated me so much.

   Filling two plates, I hurried away from the pair, hoping the boy’s nerves would keep him away for the whole night. Scanning the room for Claire, I found Cole instead. Dodging a few dancing teens, I stepped closer to him.

  “Hey, Cole, could you do me a favor?” I asked.

  Peeling his attention away from the young woman coyly twirling a strand of hair around her finger, Cole managed a quick, “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

  I didn’t recognize the girl he was talking to, so I leaned close to his ear, fearing she might be related to the guy in the den. “Your dad invited some friends, who have teenage sons. I think they’re here to try their luck with Claire. Would you keep them away?”

  “Can’t handle the competition?” Cole asked.

  “Your dad told them Claire is transferring to Santa Fe High and wants to make some new friends. I think we can both guess how Claire will react if she finds out why they’re here,” I said seriously.

  Cole nodded. He had to live in the same house as Claire and Thomas, and knew exactly how heated their fights could get. “No problem.”

  “Thanks.”

  I spotted Claire walking across the kitchen with Valerie then. She was coming toward me. Putting distance between me and the den, I walked over to her, stealing a kiss before handing her the plate of food.

  “Uriah, sweetheart, how have you been?” Valerie asked. Slipping her arm around my shoulders, she kissed me on the cheek. I blushed instantly. Claire giggled at my response. Valerie had greeted me the same way last time we met, and I had reacted exactly the same. I think she thought it was funny.

  “I’m fine. How are you, Valerie?” I asked.

  Wrapping her other arm around Claire, she said, “I’m great. You two should come and visit me in Denver sometime. Maybe over Christmas vacation. I’m sure you guys could use a break from Thomas.” Valerie had never cared for her sister’s choice in a husband.

  Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah right, Val. My dad would sooner cut off his own hand than let us go to Denver together.”

  “Oh, your mom and I might be able to change his mind. We’re very persuasive,” Valerie said.

  Not that I doubted that Valerie, a successful defense attorney, was very good at getting what she wanted, but I knew she would never succeed in getting us to Denver. Claire shared my opinion. “Good luck with that,” Claire said. Valerie merely shrugged.

  “So what have you two been up to lately,” she asked, “other than driving Thomas crazy, that is?”

  “School mostly, hiking, riding, and hanging out at Uriah’s house. The usual stuff,” Claire said. “How long are you staying?”

  “Unfortunately I have to head back tomorrow,” Valerie said. “I wish I could stay for a few more days, but I’ll be in court Monday and I need the rest of the weekend to prepare. Next time I’ll stay longer, I promise.”

  Popping into place next to Claire, Sarah said, “Claire, honey, Grandma has a gift she wants to give you. I told her she could just leave it on the table, but she really wanted to give it to you herself. Do you mind running over to her for a minute? She’s tired and won’t be able to stay much longer.”

  “Sure, Mom,” she said. “I’ll be right back, Uriah.” Handing me her plate, Claire rushed into the den. It took a second for me to remember why I did not want Claire going into the den. Cole was nowhere to be seen. So much for his help. Quickly, I set the plates down and excused myself. I hurried over, not wanting to cause a scene by running through the crowded house, but trying to prevent an explosion.

  The milling people blocked my view of the sunken den. I politely pushed my way through, seeing Claire sitting next to her aging grandmother. She had already opened the gift and was clasping the necklace around her neck. She hugged her grandmother warmly, kissing her wrinkled cheek. Claire stood just as the nervous young man I had overheard earlier approached her. My steps quickened.

  Stuck behind a group of chatting teens I couldn’t hear what he said to her, but Claire politely extended her hand. I was almost to Claire when her face turned beet red. I saw her mouth open, and I had a pretty good idea of what was coming next. Grabbing her shoulders, I spun Claire toward me, sweeping her into a desperate kiss. She was stiff with anger, and the young man behind her was staring at me with his mouth open, but I didn’t let up. Slowly, Claire’s shoulders released their tension and she pressed her lips closer to mine. I pulled back only when I could feel that she was completely distracted. My knees were trying to drop me, but I held onto Claire hoping it would pass quickly.

  “There you are, Claire,” I said. I turned to the shocked guy who had manage
d to close his mouth finally. “Excuse us, please. I need to borrow Claire for a minute.” The young man nodded slowly and silently. I had no desire to explain.

  Claire remembered what had set her off in the first place and sputtered furiously as I pulled her through the den and out the front door. The cool air was a relief after the crowded house. “That guy,” Claire began. I ran my hand along her jaw line, trying to calm her down, but Claire was too worked up to even notice. “He said my father told him to come and talk to me. He told him I was transferring to Santa Fe next semester. How could he tell him that? What is wrong with my dad? I could kill him right now!”

  Pulling Claire into my arms, I stroked her hair. “It’s okay, Claire. Just forget about it.” Claire made a noise that said she didn’t appreciate the suggestion. “If you go back in there and confront him, it will upset your mom. If you pretend nothing happened, your dad will be ticked off that his plan didn’t work and he’ll go back to sulking for a while. We both know he’s never going to convince you, or your mom for that matter, to transfer to Santa Fe. I won’t let him take you away. Don’t let him ruin your party. Your mom is really excited about this.”

  “He makes me so mad. He thinks he can control my life, but he can’t. I won’t let him,” she said. “Why won’t he just leave us alone? I don’t understand it.”

  “It doesn’t matter what stupid ideas your father comes up with. They won’t work. I love you and I won’t let your father come between us.” I felt Claire freeze. I glanced behind me, worried that either her dad or another one of his lackey suitors had followed us out, but I saw no one.  Looking back at Claire, I saw her head come up, her eyes wide and teary.

  “You’ve never said that before,” she whispered.

  Confused, I replayed the words in my mind. Claire didn’t wait for me to figure it out. “You said you loved me.”

  Her words struck me. Had I really never said those words out loud before? I had thought them at least a thousand times, probably more. I loved everything about her. I always had.

  “Do you really mean it?” she asked.

  I was amazed that she even had to ask. “Of course I do.”

  Claire grinned. Her earlier anger had disappeared completely. “I love you, too.”

  I already knew Claire loved me, but hearing her say it was electrifying. Her reaction to me a second ago made perfect sense now. The world around me had disappeared in the face of her love. Wishing this feeling would last forever, I promised myself that I would tell her everyday how much I loved her. I never wanted her to forget, either. Music from Claire’s party drifted out to us, but we were happy to stay where we were.

  Reaching her lips up to me, Claire sealed her love with mine. My hands pulled her against me more tightly as our mouths moved together. A rush of debilitating pain swept through me, but I didn’t care. The chill of the night disappeared beneath the heat of our bodies pressed together. As my hands traced down the curve of her back I lost myself in her. Our lips finally parted and I pulled Claire against me, partly because she was keeping me upright, but mostly because I never wanted to lose contact with her again. Our heavy breaths misted the air around us. Neither of us was thinking about her father anymore. The only thing that mattered was that we loved each other. That was stronger than anything that would come against us.

  At least I hoped it was.

   

   

   

  10: Stay Calm

   

   

  My dad stood checking the shears he was holding. I led the first sheep up onto the platform, patting its head as it calmly waited for spring shearing to begin. “Claire didn’t want to come watch?” my dad asked. “You two are practically inseparable these days.”

  This was the first weekend in months that we wouldn’t spend together. “The sheep don’t seem to like Claire very much,” I said. At least not when we were together. Claire tried to help me bottle feed one of the early lambs last week. I started out trying to show her how to hold the lamb and position the bottle, but little Ayashe kept squirming and kicking so much that it was impossible to get her to eat. It wasn’t until I went to get a blanket to wrap around the lamb’s body that she finally settled down. The second I put my hand on Claire’s shoulder to see how she was doing, Ayashe starting wiggling again.

  My dad had seen the whole thing, and he laughed as he remembered it, now. “Claire just needs to spend more time around them. I bet they’re jealous of her. Animals can be like that.”

  I wasn’t convinced. I knew Claire had already added it to her list of strange things we couldn’t explain.

  “Things seem to be going pretty well between you and Claire,” Dad said. I nodded. “That’s good. Your mother worried about you, you know? Thought you spent too much time alone. Now we can barely get a chance to talk to you without Claire being two steps behind. But it’s good. I’m glad you two are getting along so well.”

  I didn’t say anything. Nothing he was saying was new. Claire and I had been together for almost a year, now. I knew my dad well enough to know that this idle chatter was leading up to what he really wanted to say.

  “How serious are things between you two?” Dad finally asked. “I know your mom and I have both talked to you about sex, but I also know it’s easy to forget what your parents say when you’re with the girl you love.”

  Not this again. I had already had to endure being cornered on my eighteenth birthday by Claire’s dad. He flat out told me that if I had sex with his daughter he would call the police and have me arrested now that I was eighteen and Claire wasn’t. I wasn’t sure that would really stick, but if anyone could find a way to convince a judge, it would be Thomas Brant. Added to that were loving, but serious threats from my own mom, and less forceful, but more meaningful words of wisdom from my dad. Plus the fact that even though kissing Claire got easier every time I did it, I was pretty sure sex would, at the very least, knock me out. I was going to have to work up to that somehow.

  “Dad, we’re not sleeping together.” That was as much discussion as I was interested in having about that topic.

  My dad nodded. There was no questioning in his face. I never lied to him. He took what I said at face value and moved on. “You’re leaving for college after this coming summer, and, well, I want to know what you’re planning when it comes to Claire.”

  A grin spread across my face before I could stop it, making my dad regard me closely. “I plan on marrying her,” I said.

  Nodding as if he had expected that, he stroked the sheep standing in front of him. “That’s what I figured you would say. You realize that she still has another year of high school left, right?”

  “Of course I do, Dad. I’m planning on asking her next summer after she graduates. We can get married, and then we’ll go back to Las Cruses for school,” I said.

  “You’ll have to ask the Elders for permission first,” he said.

  The Elders. I hadn’t even thought about them. I didn’t want to think about them. “Dad, you don’t really expect me to go to the Elders and ask permission, do you? Getting Thomas to agree is going to be hard enough. The Elders’ permission really doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

  “It’s part of your heritage, Uriah. You need to respect that.” The serious set of his jaw told me how much he meant what he had just said. Tradition was very important to him. His family had lived here for centuries. Myth and legend were a part of him just as much as me and Mom were. Going against tradition would be like going against him. I didn’t want to do that to him. If he wanted to see us speak to the Elders, I would consider it.

  “But, Dad, if I go to the Elders next summer, they’ll make us wait a year before we get married. That would make it two years from now. I don’t want to wait that long. I would have to ask Claire to marry me this summer,” I said. I wanted to spend my life with her more than anything, but was she ready to have me propose to her? Was I?

  “That would be your ch
oice, then. You need to think about what you’re ready to do, and what you’re not willing to wait for,” Dad said. “And you need to consider that other things could stand in your way. More than just time. You have to be ready for everything that might come at you, not just Thomas or the Elders.”

  What other things? My dad had always tried to teach me what he thought I would need to know. Physical combat that he learned in the military, shooting, shearing sheep, being a good person that others would respect. The lessons I had learned from him were countless, but I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. I knew Thomas would fight me when I asked to marry Claire, but what else could there possibly be?

  “I think that going to the Elders would help you, Uriah. Quaile can help you. I really think you should consider it.” Dad folded his arms across his chest then, having said what needed to be said.

  “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  Dad nodded, probably expecting that I would eventually do as he asked. I usually did. Not because I believed in stories about the Trickster or the legendary love of Twin Souls, but because I loved and respected him. Eventually I always saw the wisdom in what he wanted me to do. Facing the Elders, though, made me more than a little nervous. The shaman, Quaile Faimin, was a beast of a woman on her best day. I wasn’t sure how my dad thought she could help me, but he was right about these kinds of things more often than not.

  “Well, we better get started,” Dad said. “I’ll do the first batch then I’ll hand the shears over to you. I want to see you get the whole coat off in six minutes this year. Last year it took you eight.”

  “Six minutes? That’s how fast professionals do it. I can’t shear a sheep that fast.”

  “I can do it in six minutes,” he said. “I’m no professional.”

  “No, you’ve just been shearing sheep for forty years, that’s all.” Not a professional? Yeah right. My dad was one of the best sheep handlers around. Except for a tour in the Marines in his twenties, he had spent his entire life around sheep.

  “Just watch me first, and when it’s your turn, do what I did. It’s not that hard.”

  My dad’s confidence in me was always welcome, but I think it was a little misplaced this time. I just shook my head, though. “I’ll try, Dad, but I’m not making any promises.”

  Satisfied with that, the electric shears buzzed to life and my dad started carving the wool away in one big piece. I kept an eye on my watch as he did. Five minutes and fifty-eight seconds later, the first whole piece was off. Not a professional, my foot. We went on like that all morning, me leading the sheep to my dad, and him buzzing away their thick winter coats. The stack of fluffy white next to us grew.

  Rubbing his shoulder and wincing, he said, “My arms getting tired. One more for me, and then it’s your turn.”

  “Alright, but don’t get your hopes up too high, all right.”

  “Just do your best.”

  Hoping to test his six minutes, I grabbed the largest sheep in the pen and led him over. Dad smiled at my choice. He knew why I had chosen this one. Holding the sheep with one hand, he turned the shears on and brought them close to the sheep’s shoulder. Before he could start, though, something snapped in the shears and the whole thing started twitching wildly. My dad sighed and shook his head.

  “I left the screwdriver in the barn. I’ll be right back,” Dad said.

  We were out in the far field, today, at least a quarter-mile from the house. It would take him a while to get all the way back up to the barn, fix the shears, and make it back to me. I figured I might as well do something useful while I waited so I started bundling up the wool Dad had already cut. I was halfway through the pile when I heard something coming from the barn. The barn was so far away, I shouldn’t have been able to hear anything that was happening in it, but I knew instinctively that was where the sound had come from.

  Standing very still, I listened again. It was faint, but I could hear my name being called. It sounded like my dad. There was something wrong with his voice. The sound came again, louder, more urgent. Something was definitely wrong. He needed me. An anguished cry sent me rocketing over the fence and toward the barn. Before the sound faded, I had sprinted the entire distance, stumbling into the barn to find my dad lying on the floor in agony.

  “Uriah, what happened?” my mom was asking, shaking my shoulder to try and get me to respond.

  I looked up at her then down at my dad. I was holding his head and shoulders in my lap. I didn’t remember coming over to him, or kneeling down, or trying to pick him up.

  “Uriah, what happened?” Mom repeated hysterically. Tears were running down her cheeks as she stared at her husband. “We heard you screaming and ran out to find you like this. What happened?”

  I didn’t remember screaming either. “I…I don’t know, Mom.” I shook my head, but my thoughts stayed murky. “I can’t remember. I ran up to the barn when I heard Dad calling my name. But I don’t remember what happened after I saw him.”

  “It’s just the trauma, Uriah. Focus on your dad, right now,” Sophia, the local nurse, said.

  I looked up and started when I saw her. I hadn’t even realized she was here. She was busy working on my dad as she spoke. Stethoscope in her ears and an aspirin bottle open next to her, it looked like she had already been working for a few minutes. I had forgotten she was even at the house today.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I finally asked. I could still see the pain in his eyes, but the glassy film that was there now clouded them so much.

  “It’s his heart. I think he had a heart attack. I gave him some aspirin, but his vitals aren’t good. I already called an ambulance. They’ll be here soon,” Sophia said. The grim determination in her face barely hid the panic.

  Mom was crying and squeezing Dad’s hand as she whispered that everything was going to be all right. I couldn’t even focus enough to do that. A heart attack. I should have seen it earlier. He kept rubbing his shoulder and wincing when he took too deep of a breath. I knew his heart was weak. I should have recognized the signs. I thought he was just getting tired. He had been working too hard lately.

  “I should have seen it,” I said to myself.

  “Hush, Uriah. You can’t think like that,” Sophia said. She pressed the stethoscope against his chest again and listened. Her frown wasn't very optimistic. Mom started crying and I could see my hands shaking, but I couldn’t feel them. I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

  “You said you heard your dad calling you?” Sophia asked, trying to keep me from losing it. “Where were you?”

  “In the far field. The shears broke, and Dad came up here to fix them. I heard him calling my name and I ran to him,” I said. How had I gotten up here so fast?

  “You heard him all the way out there? We didn’t hear him yell anything,” Sophia said.

  Confusion crowded in with my fear. “I know I heard him,” I said. Sophia wasn’t paying much attention to me anymore. She was staring at my dad like I was. He was lying too still now. I could barely even see his chest moving anymore. I couldn’t lose him. Tears started falling down my cheeks.

  Sophia looked over at me, her eyes desperate to offer me something. “Just stay calm, Uriah. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes.”

  I tried. I really tried to stay calm. How did we go from talking about whether or not my dad was a professional shearer to him lying in the dirt? I felt so responsible for not seeing the warning signs earlier. Sophia had to do something to save him. She kept listening to his heart, telling us the ambulance would be there any minute. Mom was crying. She told Dad over and over again that she loved him. I just sat there with tears running down my face, wondering if this was my fault.

   

   

   

  11: Less Than Five

   

   

  “Yes, I think your wife will love the weaving,” I said. I didn’t know his wife and I had no idea whether or not she would like it
, but the guy buying it seemed pretty happy about his purchase. Tourists usually did. Native American art was particularly new and exciting to people who had never seen it before. I had been around it so much I didn’t get quite as excited as this guy did anymore. It was a beautiful rug, though.

  I watched him walk out to his car and picked up my book again. It was going to be a long boring weekend. Normally, I avoided my dad’s trading post religiously, but with the arrival of spring, Uriah was needed at the ranch as much as possible. Knowing that I would see so little of him for the next couple days, and how lonely I would be without him, I gave in to my mom’s suggestion to try and build a better relationship with my dad. Plus, I needed something to distract myself while I was away from Uriah.

  My dreams had been focused on him lately, but I was afraid that being away from Uriah all weekend would invite someone else back in. He slipped in rarely anymore, but when he did…just thinking about the intensity of my last dream brought a blush to my cheeks. It sounded bizarre, but I could have sworn he was fighting to keep me from forgetting him. I wasn’t sure I wanted to remember him anymore, though. Whether he was truly out there somewhere or not, I had Uriah now. The fantasy of my dream man finding me one day lost more of its allure every minute I spent with Uriah.

   So, when one of the girls who worked at the trading post called in sick, I agreed to work in my dad’s store for the weekend. I really only braved coming here because I knew my dad spent very little time at the store now that he had the casino to keep him busy. At least manning the cash register gave me a chance to search my dad’s collection of Tewa related books. Prepared for a boring afternoon, I grabbed a couple more books off the shelf that I wanted to read. A few of them actually looked promising. It was a little early in the year for the tourist rush, so I was counting on having plenty of alone time this weekend to try and ferret out some answers.

  I had searched everything I could find at home and at the library over the past few months and gotten nothing. Well, not nothing, I guess. My mom wasn’t Tewa, so she never told me any tribal stories, and my dad never had the time to tell me much about my heritage. In the books, I had discovered the wondrous stories and myths of my people. It felt good to finally know more about who I was.

  The stories about Twin Souls turned out to be my favorites. The idea of a single soul split into two bodies, in the hope that they would find each other on earth, were too captivating to put down, even though they had nothing to do with the answers I was trying to find. Once I thought the man in my dreams was out there searching for me, but I felt sure I had already found the one person I wanted to be with forever.

  It was the stories of the heroes of our past that gave the most relevant hints about Uriah. Unfortunately, those were the ones Uriah wanted to talk about the least. I didn’t understand that at all.  I wasn’t even close to giving up, but in a world of men gushing water and fish out of their body, people turning into animals for various reasons, and White Corn Maiden and Deer Hunter being shot into the sky on arrows to chase each other through all eternity because of their selfishness, Uriah seemed to be unique even then. I was actually starting to believe that the kind of stories I was looking for might have been hidden purposely, just to irritate me to death.

  Uriah still thought I wouldn’t find anything, but I kept digging. Making people do what he said, not being able to touch me without feeling like he was going to pass out, and the way the animals freaked out when he and I were together was too much for me to ignore. Flipping another page, I read a story about a legendary warrior that was blessed by the Great Spirit to be able to speak to animals. That wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but I kept reading. 

  I was fully immersed in the story of a man trying to save his village from a raiding tribe when the door slammed open. I looked up to see Cole dashing up to the counter in a panic. Usually so carefree, the worried expression on my brother’s face set my nerves on edge. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “It’s Uriah’s dad,” Cole explained as he tried to catch his breath. “He had a heart attack. Sophia tried to help him, but the ambulance took him a few minutes ago.”

  Dropping my book on the counter, I was already on my way out the door. Cole grabbed my hand, shoving a set of keys between my fingers. “The ambulance just left for the hospital in Espanola. Uriah’s mom went with them, and Uriah’s following in their truck.”

  “Espanola?” I questioned. “He needs to go to Santa Fe if he’s had a heart attack.”

  “They don’t think he’ll make it that far,” Cole said seriously.

  My breath caught in my throat. Tears filled my eyes. Uriah and his father were closer than any father and son I had ever met, including my own dad and Cole. I knew Uriah would be devastated without his father. There was no way I could let him face that alone. “Thank you, Cole,” I said before sprinting out the door.

  Driving from San Juan to Espanola only took ten minutes, usually. I made it in less than five. The little hospital had a very small parking lot, too small to fit the number of cars there on a daily basis. Cursing at whoever’s idea it was to make it so tiny, I parked at the very back of the parking lot and sprinted for the entrance. Unfamiliar with the building, I searched the lobby, wondering where they would have taken Uriah’s father.

  “Can I help you, miss?” a receptionist asked. The polite smile on her face flinched when she saw my frenzied expression.

  “Where’s the emergency room?”

  “It’s right down the hall,” she said, pointing to a black and white sign fifteen feet away. It read “Emergency Room” with a black arrow pointing down the hallway. I wondered whether I had thanked the woman for her help as I ran down the hallway. The thought was fleeting. Rounding the last corner, I knew I had reached the right place.

  People milled around the small room, some in white coats and scrubs, others sniffling or coughing. A phone rang above the din. Searching for the source of the sound, my eyes fell on the main desk, tucked away in a corner. I tried to walk, but the relative calmness of the room grated on me. My hands were twitching nervously when I reached the desk.

  “Notah Crowe?”

  The receptionist’s face wrinkled with concern. “Room three, dear. Down the hall to the left.”

  “Thank you,” I remembered to say before following her directions deeper into the hospital. Running past several nurses, I turned the corner without slowing.

  “Claire!”

  Skidding to a stop, I looked around. Strong hands grabbed my shoulders, turning me around and crushing me in a trembling embrace. “Uriah,” I said, not needing to see his face to know who the arms and chest belonged to. “I came as fast as I could. How’s your dad?”

  Uriah’s chest heaved as tears splashed on my face. His choking sobs terrified me. “He’s gone, Claire. They couldn’t save him.” Uriah’s arms tightened around me. I could barely breathe, but I squeezed back.

  “I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say to him. I had never lost anyone close to me before now. Even though Uriah’s father was not an actual relative, I loved him like a father, more than my own, probably. I had planned to be part of his family in the very near future, but now he was gone. My heart was breaking for my own loss, but it was nothing compared to the hurt I felt watching my gentle Uriah in such exquisite pain.

  Uriah leaned heavily against my small frame. I knew I couldn’t support his weight if he collapsed. “Uriah, let’s sit down,” I pleaded. A slight nod was the only response he could muster. Pulling back from him just a little, I searched the hallway for a place to sit. A few yards away I spotted two well-worn chairs. Moving toward the chairs, I pulled Uriah along. After a few steps he looked up, realizing where we were going. Suddenly he was pulling me.

  Uriah fell into the chair. I moved to sit in the chair next to him, but Uriah pulled me onto his lap. Wrapping me tightly in his arms again, he nestled his face in my hair. Breathing deeply, he tried to shut the world out. U
riah was strong, physically and emotionally, but when he felt overwhelmed he tried to limit his thoughts to one simple thing, the scent of my hair. I often wondered what he had done to calm himself before we were together.

  We sat there in the hallway, quietly consoling each other until Uriah’s tear streaked mother emerged from the hospital room. An elderly doctor held her arm warmly as he led her through the doorway. Knowing Lina needed her son, I pulled myself out of Uriah’s embrace, leaving him free to go to her. His tears flowed again as he went to her. I watched them silently, not wanting to intrude on their grief.

  Their words were hushed, neither one capable of speaking above a pain-filled whisper. Reaching up to kiss her son’s cheek, Uriah’s mother tried to calm her tears. She nodded and gestured toward the hospital room. Uriah turned to me, his expression begging me to come to his side. Quickly, I stepped forward to answer his plea.  

  Before I could find Uriah’s hand, his mother snatched me away, her shaking arms pulling me close. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Crowe,” I said quietly.

  Her sniffle cut off quickly as she pulled back and forced a weak smile onto her lips. “Thank you for coming, Claire. Notah loved you like you were his own daughter. He would have wanted you to be here.”

  “I loved him too,” I said. Loved. I loved him, not, I love him. Notah Crowe was gone. He would never give me one of his shy hugs again. It was hard to look Uriah’s mother in the eye and not burst into tears. She pulled me into another hug, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. After a few seconds, she squeezed my hands tightly before releasing them and glancing at Uriah. Following her gaze, I saw Uriah reach for me, needing me.

  Taking my hand, Uriah took a hesitant step toward the doorway. His breathing was ragged, but he steeled himself and crossed the floor to his father’s bedside. Wires and tubes sprung from his father’s body. It pained me to think that none of them had been able to do any good.

  “I can’t do this,” Uriah whispered. “I can’t say goodbye to him.” I squeezed Uriah’s hand gently. Any words I might have offered were stuck tightly in my throat.

  “What am I going to do without him?” Uriah said.

  “It’ll be okay, Uriah,” I said finally. “You’re strong, and so is your mom. You will get through this.”

  Uriah crumpled, his head falling onto his father’s bed. His free hand grasped his father’s tightly. “He has been my guide and my friend my whole life. I don’t even know how to begin going on without him.”

  “You’ll find a way,” I promised. “I’ll be by your side to help.”

  Looking up, Uriah turned to me. “Do you promise? I don’t think I can do this without you, Claire.”

  “Of course I will. I’ll always be here for you.”

  His expression softened. Turning back to his father, Uriah closed his eyes as he touched his father’s hand for the last time. His farewell was private, but I could feel the strength it took for Uriah to offer it.

  Slowly we walked from the room. I didn’t know how a person got over losing their dad, but I knew Uriah was strong enough to survive this, even if he didn’t. He always said he was just a simple rancher. He never saw how much strength he really had. Perhaps he would realize that now.

   

   

   

  12: A Small Box and A Letter

   

   

  Claire and I were the only ones left at the gravesite. Someone had pulled my mom away a while ago, probably Sophia or Claire’s mom. I wasn’t sure where anyone but Claire was anymore. Claire was the only thing keeping me together right now. I literally had not let go of her since my dad died. Not even Thomas objected when Claire didn’t come home night after night.

  In the week since leaving the hospital, she stayed by my side through the long days, where everything I saw reminded me of him, and the torturous nights that gave me dreams of fishing or hunting with my dad again. I felt like a child huddling on the couch with her, but I couldn’t let go. And for once, touching Claire didn’t affect me at all. The pain of losing my dad outweighed everything else.

  “Uriah,” Claire said softly, “are you ready to go?”

  When we left, the mound of dirt sitting to the side would pour back into the hole and seal my dad away forever. I would never sit on the riverbank with him again. We would never spar with one another and laugh about the bruises we gave each other. The last talk we would ever have would be of me asking Claire to marry me.

  At the time, I hadn’t been sure whether I would go to the Elders or not, but there was no way I would ignore my dad’s advice, now. I still thought it was pointless. The Elders’ permission didn’t mean very much to me. Knowing I had followed my dad’s last piece of advice meant everything to me, though. He loved the traditions of our people, and thought they should be kept close so they weren’t lost to the future. I would go to the Elders this summer.

  “Uriah,” Claire said again, “let me take you home, okay?”

  I nodded, feeling slightly better than before. Leading me away from the gravesite, Claire slid in close to me and let me hold her under my arm. I didn’t need to tell her that I wanted her close. The brief moment she let go of my hand to walk around to the driver’s side brought back the full intensity of my pain. I should have been able to bear it better when I wasn’t touching Claire, since I felt my strength rush back in when she left, but the opposite seemed to happen. Claire stole a part of me when I put my arms around her, but having her near me gave that part back along with all of her own strength that she let me borrow from. In the face of the pain from losing my dad, I actually felt stronger with her near me.

  “I talked to my parents about helping you and your mom out at the ranch after school, and over the summer,” Claire said. “I know the animals don’t really like me, but maybe I could do other stuff, like helping in the fields or mucking stalls. I at least know how to do that already.”

  “But, Claire, you have dance after school. And we finally convinced your dad to let you play volleyball. You have preseason camp all summer. I don’t want to interfere with that. Me and Mom will figure it out,” I said. Sophia had mentioned a couple of people who might be able to help us out regularly. It meant paying wages, but it was just what we were going to have to do for now.

  “I don’t care about ballet, at all, you know that. I only did it because I hated piano more. And volleyball, it’s not that important. I’ve never even played before. I just thought it would be fun.” Starting the engine, Claire pulled onto the road and headed out of the cemetery.

  Volleyball was important to her. She had been so excited when I finally talked her dad into lifting his “unladylike” ban on the sport. She only had one year left of high school. It was probably her last chance to play. “We’ll be fine. There’s a couple guys around town looking for work. I’m sure one of them will be able to help us. You can’t give up everything just to come feed sheep and brush horses.”

  “I’m hardly giving up everything, Uriah,” she said. “I want to help. I love you, and I promised I would be there for you. Besides, I have to get used to living on a ranch eventually, right?”

  The teasing smile she gave me actually made me smile. She knew I wanted to marry her. The fact that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together was no secret. The timing was the only thing she didn’t know about, yet.

  “Are you sure, Claire? I don’t want you to do it just because you think you have to. We’ll keep the ranch running either way,” I said.

  “But having me there will make it easier.”

  “Sure, but…”

  “There’s no but, Uriah. I’m part of your life. You need help, and I want to be the one to help you. I love you,” she said. She had been so strong for me all week, but tears suddenly filled her eyes. “And I loved your dad, too. I want to do this for him as much as I do for you.”

  I knew she missed him too, but I had been so concerned with my own pain that I hadn’t even attempted t
o help her with hers. I felt like such a jerk. Squeezing her hand even more tightly, I said, “Okay, Claire. It would be great to have you help out. Summer will be pretty busy, but things should calm back down in the fall, and maybe you can still try out for the volleyball team.”

  Claire shook her head. “Uriah, you’ll be gone in the fall. Your mom will need help even more than ever. I don’t want you to worry when you’re gone. I’ll be here to take care of her.”

  “I’m not going,” I said.

  “What? You have to! Your mom will never let you stay here. You know she won’t,” Claire said. I didn’t know why she looked so shock. My dad just died, leaving me and my mom to run the ranch by ourselves. The two of us working together was going to be hard enough. I could never leave her to take care of everything by herself. I knew Claire was right about what my mom would say.

  “I’m going to do some classes online,” I said. “I can’t get the whole degree online, but I could do the first couple years, at least. Maybe by then things will be going good enough that I can leave without dumping everything on my mom. I know Mom won’t like it, but that’s how it has to be right now.”

  Claire was quiet, then. I wondered if she was feeling the same way I had when I first thought about staying here. Not leaving for college meant staying here with her. The reason I was making this choice was the worst one ever, but the idea of being here with Claire for the next year did take some of the pain from my heart.

  The quiet that spread through the car when Claire parked and turned off the engine felt heavy against me. If Claire didn’t agree with me, I would have an even harder time trying to convince my mom. Finally Claire reached over to me and hugged me across the seats.

  “You have to promise that you’ll finish college. I know you plan on running the ranch forever, but I know how much you want to be a vet, too. Things can change before you know it. Plus, your dad wanted you to get your degree. I’ll only agree to this if you promise you’ll finish,” Claire said.

  I kissed her lips, borrowing from her strength again even as she stole it away. “I promise.”

  She nodded and let go of my hand so we could both get out of the car. Making our way past the myriad of vehicles that had brought everyone here from the funeral made it difficult to keep a hold of her. She turned and twisted however she needed to so she could keep her hand in mine. When we reached the house, stepping into the heat of dozens of bodies made me nauseous. People patted my shoulder and told me how sorry they were, but I didn’t stop to respond. Instead I pulled Claire back toward my bedroom so I could find some space to breathe. Sophia caught Claire before we got halfway across the living room and asked her to help with the food. I motioned that she should go, and turned away to escape the crowd.

  I was about to drop onto my bed when I noticed a small box and a letter sitting there. Curious about what it was, I sat down on my bed and picked the letter up. In my dad’s sharp script I saw my name printed on the front. Below that was a careful note from my mom.

  “Uriah, I found this in your dad’s closet this morning. He was planning to give it to you when you graduated, but I thought you might want to have it now. Love, Mom”

  Turning the envelope over, I lifted the flap and slid the single sheet of paper out. The fresh creases unfurled to reveal my dad’s handwriting.

  “Uriah,

  “I have been struggling the last few months about what to say to you when you graduate. It’s been a difficult year, knowing that you’ll be leaving for college soon. Watching you grow has been such a joy for me and your mom. You’ve always been an amazing kid. In more ways than you know, probably.

  “I’m proud of the man you’ve become, Uriah. I hope I have been the reason behind at least some of why you turned out so great. Your mom can probably take most of the credit, though.

  “I wish I knew what to tell you before you leave home. I know that there are some things in your future that will be wonderful, and other things that will be incredibly difficult. I’ve tried to prepare you for what you must do one day. It’s hard to know if I’ve done enough, but I have faith that wherever I’ve failed, you will fill in the gaps with your own incredible talents. I had hoped to have more help from Quaile in this, but she has always been a very strange woman. When she feels the time is right, I have no doubt she will give you the guidance you need to face your future.

  “But hopefully all of that will still be a while off.

  “Right now, I see you with Claire and I am proud of how much you love and care for her. I never knew for sure that the two of you would end up together. Maybe you shouldn’t have, considering the way things are. You always seemed like an unlikely pair to me even without that, but it just shows I don’t know everything. It’s plain to see that you love each other, and I truly hope that the two of you will be able to stick by each other through everything you’ll have to face. You’re both strong. Just hold onto each other and everything will work out.

  “I’ve probably gone on long enough, now, but just know that you have the strength you need inside of you. Treasure your heritage and the lessons that go with it. The stories we told you as a child might seem silly to you now, but they will help you through your life. Be strong, and be careful.

  “I love you, son.

  “Dad”

  My dad gave me advice all the time when he was alive, but this letter was completely beyond me to understand. The words were plain enough, but half the letter felt like he was trying to tell me something important, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. That wasn’t my dad at all. When he had something to say, he just came out and said it.

  What did he mean when he said he thought Quaile was going to help them more? Despite the fact that she scared me to death, she was a close family friend. I remembered her being around our home since I was a baby. She always seemed too involved in what we were doing for my tastes, but my dad seemed to think she should have done more, and eventually would when the time was right. What did that mean?

  It seemed like every other line said something about my future, whether I was prepared, what I would have to face, the strength I would need. The whole letter felt like a warning about something. Of what, though, I had no idea. What on earth would my dad need to warn me about? If he really thought he needed to give me a warning, why wouldn’t he just tell me what he thought might happen? And why couldn’t I remember what happened before he died?

  Maybe my mom would be able to tell me what the letter was about. Placing it carefully back into the envelope, I set it aside. The box was still on the blanket next to me. The dark wood was beautiful. Whatever was inside, the box was part of the gift, made by my dad to carry something precious. I gently lifted the lid and peered inside.

  A thin strip of beaded leather lay inside the box. Tears welled in my eyes when I saw it. To anyone else, it would look like a simple piece of beadwork, maybe even just something for an artist to practice on. I knew what this was. I had wanted to have it since the first time I saw it. The long, thin leather strips on each end would tie the leather band to my wrist, a bracelet given from father to son when the son had reached manhood.

  Whatever the letter was supposed to tell me, I kept it in the back of my mind as I stared at the gift. This treasure had not come to mind once in the last week, but if my dad had died without ever giving it to me, I would have been crushed. It was a tradition our family had carried on for generations. Dad always did like to have things ready ahead of time. If he hadn’t already set this out for me I might never have gotten to have it. It was a piece of him I could always keep with me.

  I laid down on my pillow and felt something close to peace for the first time in a week. Following that closely was exhaustion. Clutching the bracelet against my chest as I laid there let me breathe in my grief and not feel consumed by it. I stayed there unmoving for a long time. At some point Claire crept into my room and laid down beside me, holding me, and completing the elusive feeling that I was going to make i
t through this.

  My biggest question now was whether I could survive whatever my dad had been trying to warn me about in his letter.

   

   

   

  13: Proposal

   

   

  The graduation ceremony was only scheduled to last an hour, and even that was too long. My graduating class was not very big, only a few dozen eager young minds. My foot was tapping anxiously on the floor. Barely a month after my dad died, I was being forced to sit through a ceremony he should have been here to see. If my mom hadn’t pressured me to come, I think I might have skipped it. They mailed home the real diplomas anyway.

  I waited for my turn to walk, thinking, like I often did lately, about my dad’s letter. Part of me wanted to tell Claire about it right away, but another part of me had been afraid to tell her. I didn’t need Claire worrying about me or trying to uncover any more mysteries for me right now. She worried about me too much already. After the funeral I tried asking my mom about it when Claire had fallen asleep on the couch.

  She was the one who gave me the box and letter, so I thought she would be able to explain it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Knowing it was meant only for me, my mom hadn’t read Dad’s letter before giving it to me. When I offered to let her read it, she took the letter gratefully. By the time she finished reading it, though, the way her lips were pressed together so tightly was a pretty good indicator of how much she was going to tell me. I tried to ask her about the things Dad had written, but she refused to tell me anything. The most I got out of her was something she mumbled under her breath about my dad knowing better than to say anything. And that was the end of it. Every time I had brought it up since then she left the room.

  That was when I turned to Claire. She had been digging around in Tewa writings for months. I thought she might have some idea about what the letter might mean. Unfortunately, stories about Badger beating Coyote in a contest, or why rattlesnakes have rattles had not prepared her for the confusion of the letter. She was as lost as I was. Not to mention more worried than ever. I wanted to try and figure something out, but with the extra work at the ranch, finals, graduation, getting ready to follow my dad’s advice, and everything else, I really didn’t have much time to put into it.

  Brooding in my thoughts, I almost didn’t hear my name called. I quickly banished the letter from my mind and stood up. I walked across the stage without fanfare. A few people clapped, probably my mom and Claire, as I shook the principal’s hand. I carried my fake diploma across the stage and returned to my seat. My impatient foot tapping started again. Claire was waiting for me. Thinking of Claire let me put everything else away and shut out the questions that seemed to have no answers.

  Finally the ceremony ended, caps thrown in the air, family rushing forward. My mother reached me first, wrapping me in a hug and bringing tears to my eyes at the mention of how proud my dad would have been of me. Claire hugged Cole and politely congratulated the other graduates she knew, which was pretty much everyone, even Dana, but her eyes never left mine for long.

  Slowly we made our way to each other. Claire’s hand slipped into mine and I pulled her close. I felt so much better with her around. “Congratulations, Uriah,” she said, trying to speak over the noise. Leaning close, as if to hear her better, I stole a quick kiss. “You can do better than that,” she said with a smile. “This is a celebration.”

  I felt his hard eyes on my back immediately. His patience with me after my dad died had waned pretty quickly. He was back to his grating, obnoxious self all too soon. Thomas was hardly the only reason I was forced to scale back my affection for Claire, but him glaring at me constantly certainly didn’t help. I refused to meet his gaze, but Claire understood my hesitation and turned a glare as fierce as Quaile’s on him. It lasted only a second before her sweet smile enveloped me once again. I would do anything for her, even if meant dealing with her father later.

  Scooping her up in my arms, I pressed her lips against mine, kissing her with only a portion of the tidal wave of passion I was longing to release. The taste was intoxicating, and threatened to overcome me, but my awareness of my mother standing nearby as well, was enough to make me pull back. Releasing Claire’s legs, I gently set her back on the ground, but was forced to catch her arm as she stumbled a little. Usually, I was the one trying to stay on my feet after kissing her.

  Claire stared at me, her eyes hungry for more. I had never kissed her like that before. Always careful with my emotions before Dad died, before I knew something worse than the pain touching Claire brought, I had not wanted to push myself, or Claire. Not to mention I was still scared of angering Thomas. Every time he looked at me he seemed to be reminding me of his threat to call the police if he had reason. I knew he would follow through on his promises, but being raised by my parents was an equally real barrier that kept me from unleashing my desires.

  Holding back was difficult enough, normally. I realized, now, how much harder I had just made things for myself. I wanted more. Just having her near me made it almost too hard to resist the soft curves of her body and eager eyes. “I’m so sorry, Claire,” I whispered.

  “Don’t be,” she said quietly. “Don’t be sorry for that.”  She took a deep breath and squeezed my hand tightly. “Let’s just get out of here. Tyler and Lana should be ready to go by now.”

  The last few seconds had completely erased our plans from my mind. Irritation swept over me once again. Tyler and Lana were our best friends, but I had wanted to spend the evening with Claire, only Claire. Of course Thomas had refused. I hadn’t been able to change his mind because he darted away as soon as he said no. It was hard to convince someone of something if you couldn’t even find them.

  “Santa Fe will be fun, Uriah, even if we have to go with Tyler and Lana,” Claire said.

  I squeezed her hand. “I know. Let me tell my mom goodbye first.” Claire nodded and pushed me gently in my mother’s direction. My conversation with my mom was brief, ending in a hug and a plea to be careful, and then I was back at Claire’s side.

  Once in the hallway, I stripped off the graduation gown and tossed it on a table. The gowns were cleaned and used again by the next set of graduates. The cap was mine to keep. Tucking it under my arm, I pulled Claire along the linoleum lined tunnel and out the door.

  “Claire, Uriah, you guys ready to go, or what? We’ve been waiting out here forever,” Tyler complained.

  Rolling my eyes, I said, “Graduation only ended five minutes ago. Didn’t you even say goodbye to your families?”

  “It’s not like we’re not coming back,” Lana said.

  Actually, she and Tyler weren’t coming back, at least not for good. Both were heading south to Las Cruces for college. I should have been joining them. At one time I was excited to go. Things can change quickly, though. It had not been easy telling Mom that I wasn’t going, but she looked more relieved than disappointed in all reality.

  “Get in the truck,” Tyler said, opening the tiny extended cab’s door with a flourish.

  I hated sitting in the back of his truck. It was not designed for someone my size. Claire pulled me to the car. “Hurry up,” she chided, “before my dad changes his mind about letting me go at all.” Remembering what I had just done right in front of him was enough to kick my feet into a higher gear. I was sure he would step out of the auditorium doors at any second and grab Claire. We were on our way in less than a minute.

  I spent the next forty minutes scrunched behind Tyler. The only consolation was that Claire was pretending to be just as uncomfortable, turning so her body was nestled snugly against mine. By the time we reached Santa Fe, I was actually reluctant to leave the cramped seat. My growling stomach urged me to unwind myself.

  As we waited for our table in the foyer, I watched Claire, finally seeing her in full light. The silk dress she wore was a deep blue, shimmering with every slight movement. She had teased me with the dress for weeks, not le
tting me see it, only telling me that it was special, just for my graduation. It was special, not because the fabric detailed every curve of her body, or because the color was a beautiful contrast to her light brown skin, but because she wore it only for me.

  Because of her father’s constant reminders that her beauty would win her a wealthy husband if only she would leave me behind, Claire rarely dressed up anymore, preferring blue jeans and t-shirts to the dainty dresses most of the other girls liked to wear. I loved her sense of style. It was much more suited to fishing on the river bank, but still, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  The fact that she had done this for me made it hard to resist carrying her out of the restaurant right then. Claire turned and caught me staring at her. She grinned, clearly enjoying the effect she was having on me. I put my hand under her chin gently and raised her face. “You look beautiful,” I said, though it was a significant understatement.

  “Do you like the dress?” she asked.

  “I do.” I wanted to tell her just how much I liked it, but I kept those thoughts to myself.

  “Our table’s ready,” Lana chimed.

  I groaned, despite my appetite, and followed them to the back of the restaurant. We slid into a secluded booth. Laying her hand gently on my knee Claire tucked herself under my arm. I held her close and tried to remind myself that we weren’t alone. Thankfully the food arrived quickly.

  Dinner was great. I hardly noticed the food, but every second was engraved in my memory. When the dessert plates were brought out, my palms started to sweat. Tyler glanced at me knowingly. Claire, always perceptive, asked if I was okay. Tyler rescued me by changing the subject, describing the apartment he and Lana were going to rent down in Las Cruces.

  Claire was swept up by their enthusiasm, no doubt wishing she was just a little bit older. Born two months sooner and she would have been celebrating her own graduation along with us. I was thinking of my future as well. All too soon the dessert plates were cleared and we were on our way out of the restaurant. The day’s heat had cooled into a pleasant evening. Claire drifted into my arms, kissing my lips lightly before turning back to our friends. “So, what are we going to do now?”

  Tyler pulled Lana into a bear hug. “Lana and I are going to watch a movie. You and Uriah…” Tyler left the sentence hanging, giving me a much too obvious wink. He was not the most subtle person in the world. This would be the last time I asked him for a favor. “Maybe we’ll meet up at Fusion later? I heard they’re doing an all-night graduation party, so underagers are welcome.”

  “Yeah,” I said, ready to be rid of Tyler, “we’ll see you there later.”

  Tyler pulled Lana down the street, glancing back with a ridiculous grin. I rolled my eyes, irritated that I would still have to ride home with him.

  “What was that all about?” Claire asked.

  “Nothing,” I said. “I just asked Tyler to leave us alone for a while. I haven’t seen you all day, and I wanted some time with just the two of us.” Claire’s warm smile washed over me. Normally that was all it took to calm me down, but not tonight. The slight tilt to her lips made me wonder if she knew. “Let’s take a walk,” I said quickly.

  “Okay.” Claire took my hand and leaned in close to me. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s just walk for a while.”

  Santa Fe’s streets were busy with summer tourists. Filled with galleries, museums, and artists, Santa Fe attracted people from around the country. We walked, admiring the artwork in the galleries and listening to the myriad of street musicians. Claire followed my wandering lead without question.

  Slowly we left the busier streets behind, moving away from the showier side of downtown and into the everyday storefronts of regular businesses. Claire glanced up at me, wondering at my choice, but said nothing.

  There was the sign. “You know,” I said, “I was here in Santa Fe a few weeks ago.”

  “Really?”

  I had expected the surprise in Claire’s voice. It hadn’t been easy to not mention the trip before now. We had spent almost all of our free time together in the last month, and even when we were not together it was rare that we didn’t know where the other one was.

  “Yes. I came here to pick up a gift for you.”

  “A gift for me? Why? It’s your graduation, Uriah, not mine. You can give me a gift next year,” she said. Her gift to me had been waiting for me when I woke up that morning. Actually it was from her family, all except her father, of course. The laptop computer was a complete surprise, but a welcome one. I really did need one for my classes, and money was tight enough with the cost of tuition. I hoped her gift would be a surprise, too.

  “I didn’t want to wait another year to give you your present.”

  “What is it?” she asked, her brow creasing with worry. She knew I had spent a good portion of my savings on school.

  “The man at this store thought you would really like it, and so do I,” I said, hoping she would understand the hint I was giving her.

  “This store?” Turning her head she stared at the store window. Her eyes widened. “The man at this store?”

  “Yes.”

  “The man at Sandoval Jewelers thought I would like my present?”

  Claire gasped as I bent down on one knee. The silver band I presented to her wasn’t grand, but Claire wouldn’t have liked it if it had been. The princess cut diamond sparkled almost as much as Claire’s tear filled eyes.

  “Claire Brant, will you marry me?”

  Her hand flew to her mouth and she started hopping up and down. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” she said, her excitement bubbling over. “Of course I will, Uriah.” She held out her hand and I slipped the ring onto her finger. She held it up, staring at it as tears splashed on her hand. “It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you!”

  Relief swept over me. It had been two weeks of torture carrying the ring around, wanting to give it to her the moment I bought it. Rising to my feet, I swept Claire into my arms and kissed her fiercely. The kiss in front of her father was nothing. Our lips moved together, my fingers winding in her hair, pulling her closer.

  Only the not so quiet snickering of a group of tourists kept me from going any further. I pulled away, leaving a pout on Claire’s face. Please don’t tempt me, I begged silently. The cautious regard I had always had around Claire was now way beyond my reach. Suddenly, Fusion’s graduation party sounded like a good idea. I needed other people around me. I pulled Claire along the street, making my way back to the busier section of town. If I was alone with Claire much longer tonight, I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise to her father.

  Claire hurried along beside me, completely oblivious to my haste. Staring at the ring, she was smiling widely. “My dad is going to die when he sees this,” she said. That thought brought me to a dead stop. Claire bumped into the back of me. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Let’s not talk about your dad right now,” I suggested.

  “Good idea,” she agreed. “Let’s go tell Tyler and Lana, though. I’ve got to tell somebody!”

  In my excitement to finally propose to Claire, I had completely forgotten that we would actually have to tell her dad. I wouldn’t take the ring back for anything, but I really didn’t relish the thought of showing it to Thomas. As we wound our way back to the club, I wondered what the chances were of convincing Claire not to tell her dad and just elope with me after her birthday.

   

   

   

  14: Warning

   

   

  Her piercing scream swept over the ranch. The sheep in the pasture froze and looked up at me, but I was already sprinting away from them. I knew where she would be. Feeding the horses was her favorite chore, and she always saved it for last.

  The old split-rail fences blurred past me as I ran. Desert sand swirled around my feet, trying to trip me with every step. Harsh, grating growls pushed me forward. Another
desperate shriek rang out again and I lost all other thought as I flew around the corner of the barn. Cold numbed my legs, and I stumbled to a stop in front of the barn. What I saw slowed time and sent my fear soaring into the sky.

  Holding my mom’s leg in its jaw, a mountain lion snarled at our ranch hand, Hale. The pitchfork he was waving at it was doing nothing to scare it away. Blood streamed out of the gashes running up and down my mom’s calf. Crimson streaks ran from the open door of the barn to where the cougar held her now, a good ten feet away. Ignoring Hale entirely, the creature looked desperate to carry her off. 

  No, I can’t lose her too! I would not watch her die like I did my dad. I had to save her. My mind was locked in indecision. Rush in and I could make the animal panic and attack her even worse. Wait too long and the blood pooling on the ground would steal her life away. I had to do something. But what?

  Unaware of my presence, the mangy animal was focused on the pitchfork. Hale made a lunge at the animal, trying to stab it, but the wiry and desperate animal swung its hips to the side in time to dodge the blow. The sudden jarring made my mom cry out in pain again, waking me from my terrified trance. The weakness in her voice shocked me. I had to move quickly.

  Stepping carefully, I made my decision to approach the cougar. I needed a weapon of some kind first. Searching the ground around me, I saw the broken off end of a four by four wooden fence post sticking out of the ground. Hale had backed into it last week and I hadn’t gotten around to fixing it, yet. I moved slowly, wrapping my hands around the thick chunk of wood and tugged softly. It didn’t budge. I’d forgotten it was cemented in.

  A quick survey of the ground showed me there was nothing else. I couldn’t try to draw it off without a weapon. It had to be the post. Gripping the wood harder, I jerked it down, breaking the post off the chunk of cement. I stared at the broken piece of wood. It broke so easily. I didn’t expect that to actually work. The mountain lion was too occupied with trying to survive to hear the splitting of wood, but Hale stared at the post in my hand. The shock on his face was disturbing.

  Ignoring Hale, I looked back at the animal. I was ready now. I took a step toward the beast holding my mom. I felt my muscles tense as I drew closer. I had no idea what it might do. The cougar was skin and bones, starving most likely, which explained why it had risked coming into town. That made it even more dangerous than usual. Moving up, I took a risk and kicked a rock at it, drawing its attention to me. I braced myself in case it decided to attack.

  Instead of attacking or making a run for it, the cougar froze. Dropping my mom’s leg from its jaws, it sank down to its belly and started whimpering. Hale straightened and stared at the cougar in disbelief. I wasn’t sure what it was doing either, but I wasn’t going to stand there and wait for it to change its mind. Reaching into the barn, my fingers closed around the stock of a shotgun kept there for exactly this reason. I held it out of view while I spoke to Hale.

  “Hale, get my mom. Get her away from the mountain lion,” I said.

  “Uriah, how did you do that?” Hale asked.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered harshly. “Just get my mom out of here!”

  Hale opened his mouth again to say something, but my mom’s broken sobs kept him from finishing. Letting the pitchfork fall to the ground, Hale reached down and carefully scooped my mom into his arms. Both eyes on the cowering animal, Hale stepped back toward the barn. I watched him set my mom down in one of the empty stalls out of the corner of my eye. The rest of my focus remained on the animal. Shaking on the ground, it looked too terrified to move.

  Bringing the gun up, I leveled it at the animal. At this distance it would be nothing at all for me to kill it. It needed to be done, but the way it mewled and groveled held me back. Cougars did not act like this, not even ones that were starving. It was acting like a dog waiting for its master to reprimand it. The miserable animal actually looked as if it were expecting me to punish it for attacking my mom, as if it were aware it had done something wrong. It should have been attacking me, or at the very least, running off as fast as it could.

  “You have to do it,” Hale said from behind me.

  “I know. It’s just…” I wasn’t even sure what it was that was holding me back. The cougar had attacked my mom.

  “It’s tasted human flesh, Uriah. It has to be put down or it will come back and attack again. You know that. We’ve seen it before.” Hale’s words were cold, but he looked relieved that it was me holding the gun instead of him.

  “Why is it just lying there?” I asked, just as much to myself as to Hale. He merely shrugged and looked back at my mom. It didn’t matter. I had to do it. Bracing the butt of the gun against my shoulder, I fired.

  The cougar barely moved. It simply sank down deeper into the dirt as blood darkened the sand around it. It had to be done. I knew it was true, but I couldn’t feel quite right about the way it had just sat there waiting for it to happen. I didn’t have time to think too hard about it, though. Tossing the gun to Hale, I rushed to my mom’s side. Breathing slowly, if shallowly, she had fallen into unconsciousness. Her dark skin looked pale and was shimmering with sweat. Glancing down at her leg, the bleeding looked like it was slowing, but the dirt and grime caked on it was undoubtedly going to lead to infection.

  “Hale, go get Sophia. I’ll get my mom into the house,” I said.

  Hale nodded and ran off toward the driveway.

  Usually Sophia’s blend of modern nursing and traditional Native American healing was all we needed here in San Juan Pueblo. I hoped it would be enough today. It hadn’t been enough for my dad, but there was nothing anyone could have done then. Cradling my mom in my arms, I started out of the barn. The dead cougar caught my eye and made my stomach churn, but I turned away and rushed to the house.

  The old screen door clattered back against the frame as I laid my mom on the couch. She wouldn’t be happy about the blood stains that were quickly forming. There was nothing to be done about that now. Panic was trying to work its way into my mind, but I had taken care of enough injured or sick animals to know what to do. Gathering a bowl of warm water and several washcloths, I started cleaning her leg.

  Swollen puncture wounds ran up and down her calf. Each stroke I made elicited a moan or twitch of pain. I cringed along with her and hoped Sophia would get here soon. Rinsing my mom’s leg one last time, I set the bowl aside and stroked her hair while I waited for Sophia to arrive. Thankfully the door banged open a few seconds later.

  “How’s she doing?” Sophia asked as she pushed me out of the way.

  “I cleaned the wounds, but she’s still asleep.” I wasn’t sure whether or not Sophia actually heard me. She was too busy inspecting my mom’s leg and digging through her medical bag. I held my mom’s hand as I watched Sophia spread ointment over her leg and wrap it carefully in layers of bandages. Flinching as she slid a needle into my mom’s arm, I had to look away as the pain relieving fluid was sent into her veins. Memories of my father’s last minutes tried to assault me. I made myself push them away.

  “Get a pillow and put it under her leg,” Sophia said. Placing her supplies back in her bag as I got the pillow, Sophia checked my mom’s pulse again. “Just let her sleep for now,” she said. “She needs to rest.”

  “You don’t think we need to take her to the hospital?” I asked.

  Sophia huffed and shook her head. “You think she would actually go?”

  My mom never liked hospitals or doctors, but after my dad died, she pretty much refused to go near any kind of medical building. “She can’t object if we take her while she’s still asleep,” I said.

  “I’m afraid waking up in a hospital would be too traumatic for her,” Sophia said. My hands tightened with worry and Sophia’s expression softened. She knew better than anyone what losing my mom would do to me. She had been there for us after my dad died, and she still blamed herself for not being able to save him.

  “Uriah, she’s going to be oka
y. I’ll send Hale down to the pharmacy for some antibiotics to keep her from getting an infection. Plus, I called Dr. Harrell in Santa Fe on my way over. He’s going to come out and check for any nerve or tendon damage. He should be here in half an hour. If he thinks there’s a problem, I’ll make sure your mom goes to the hospital right away. I promise.” Sophia took my free hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. “She’s going to be okay. From where the bites are, I don’t think there’ll be any lasting damage.”

  I let out a breath that had been trapped behind a wall of anxiety. A nurse pracitioner, Sophia often said she was a poor excuse for a doctor, but she handled everything on the reservation from colds to broken bones. If she thought my mom was going to be okay, I trusted her judgment. She had dealt with worse.

  “Where is Hale?” I asked. Sophia had mentioned wanting to send him for a prescription, but he hadn’t come back in with her.

  “He’s out taking care of the mountain lion,” Sophia said. Her eyes drifted toward the back of the house just as mine did. I was glad I wouldn’t have to take care of the carcass myself. Just thinking about it made me shiver.

  “Hale told me about what happened, how the animal just cowered down when you walked up,” Sophia said. Her appraising eyes bored into me. “Is that really what happened?”

  I shrugged and nodded. “I don’t know what was wrong with it,” I said. “One minute it was trying to drag my mom away then it just dropped her and started whimpering.”

  “I’ve never heard of a mountain lion acting like that before,” Sophia said.

  “It looked like it was starving or something. There must have been something wrong with it,” I said. It made sense, but for some reason that didn’t fit either. At least Hale didn’t say anything about the post I snapped in half. Maybe it was the tribal stories my mom told me as a child until I knew them all by heart, or maybe it was the trauma of what had just happened, but the memory of the animal hung in my mind like a warning.

  I knew what really bothered me about it. It was one more thing to add to Claire’s list of strange things that happened around me. That and breaking the post off. I knew I shouldn’t have been able to do that. Claire hadn’t been able to give me any insight about the letter, but maybe there would be some story or legend she’d read that would explain these. I shook my head. Was I really looking to myths to explain things in real life? I don’t think that was what my dad meant when he said the tribal legends would help me.

  Sophia studied me as I thought for a few seconds before shaking away any more thoughts of the animal. “I’ll stay with her, Uriah. Why don’t you go get ready? You can’t go to the Elders looking like that. You’re covered in blood.”

  Looking down at my ruined work clothes, I realized I had completely forgotten about the Elders. “I can’t go now,” I said, “not after what just happened. I need to stay with her.”

  Sophia stared me down, refusing to waver. “Your mother will have your hide when she wakes up if you don’t go. You know she doesn’t want you and Claire to have to wait until next year.”

  I started to object, but Sophia cut me off. “After everything that’s happened in the past few months, your mom could use some good news. She needs something happy in her life right now. Now, go get ready. I’ll take care of her while you’re gone.”

  My eyes lingered on my mom’s still body. She had already been through so much. She wanted this almost as much as Claire and I did. She did need something to bring her some joy. Sophia was right. She was more than capable of taking care of my mom, and speaking with the Elders was sure to bring the good news we both wanted and needed to hear. I should have been comforted by that idea, but I walked back to my bedroom consumed by the memory of the animal.

   

   

   

  15: The Chief’s Daughter

   

   

  Thomas Brant’s eyes bored into me as I walked down the street toward the hundred year old adobe mud-brick building. I knew I would feel my father’s absence today, but I had at least hoped my mom would be here to help me through this. Now, I didn’t even have that. Asking the Elders for permission to marry on tribal lands was an outdated ritual, but sweat had my traditional homespun shirt and doeskin pants clinging to my body. Facing Thomas alone today was not how I’d hoped this would go. Breaking eye contact with Thomas, I straightened to my full height and walked toward him, determined to make him see me as a man.

  Claire smiled worriedly at my arrival. Her father’s grimace deepened, and he held her arm more tightly against his body. He wasn’t anywhere close to happy about this. Sarah and my mom had insisted that we meet with the Elders today. Thomas flat out refused, balking at even consider letting us get married. I honestly thought our moms could convince him. He was a stubborn man, though.

  I still wasn’t sure I believed in Claire’s ideas about me, but I had been willing to put her theory to the test for this. After listening to hours of arguing from Thomas I finally stood and walked right up to him. My entire body had felt like it was about to crumble from the fear gripping me. I could only hope Claire was right.

  Thomas seemed to think she was. I had pushed Thomas to give in before, and I think he saw what was coming. He tried to back away, but I caught his arm and held him. In plain words, I told him that Claire and I were getting married and there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to fight it. His mouth moved, trying to get out the words he wanted to say, but all that came out was a deflated “fine.” Sarah’s jaw dropped and Claire gave me a look that said, “What took you so long?” She never doubted I could change his mind. The real surprise, though, was the smug look on my mom’s face. It was almost like she knew I could do it just as surely as Claire did. That brought my dad’s letter to mind immediately, but Claire’s excited had hug pushed it back out just as quickly.

  The sharp bark of a stray dog was immediately followed by the screeching mewl of a cat, tearing me out of my thoughts. Turning to see the pair barreling toward us, I stepped back, not wanting to get in their way. Thomas darted back in disgust. He hated animals almost as much as he hated me. Claire just smiled at the display. About to catch the cat, the dog yapped eagerly, then, for no apparent reason, they both slowed to a stop and stood staring at me.

  My eyebrows rose in surprise. I had always had a calming touch with animals, as long as I wasn’t touching Claire at the same time, but this seemed odd even for me. And eerily familiar. The two animals stood within two feet of each other, but the fight had completely drained out of them. The dog sniffed a few times then turned away and scampered off in the direction it had come. Winding itself around my legs twice, the cat then headed in the opposite direction. What was going on with the animals around here? Thoughts of the dead mountain lion rolled around in my mind, bringing back that sickening feeling.

  Thomas just snorted at the odd display and went back to glaring at me. Whatever was happening with the animals would have to wait. I had to face Thomas and the Elders first. My palms began to itch, and my clothes seemed much too tight under his gaze. Claire’s bright face had the opposite effect. Her dark eyes were warm and kind. Her hands smoothed her dress, though it already looked perfect. I had never seen her wear the beaded ceremonial frock before. Her mother must have surprised her with the new clothing, just as mine had done.

  She looked so beautiful. I couldn’t pry my eyes away from her. Her silky brown hair shifted in a soft breeze and her fingers came up to brush it away. I loved her chestnut hair. It was incredible how her hair color matched her eyes so perfectly. Her eyes were absolutely amazing, capable of capturing me and holding me in their gaze forever. I felt all of my nervousness fall away immediately. Shaking her father’s protective hand away when I finally reached them, Claire ran to me, wrapping her arms around my body.

  “Uriah, we heard about your mom. How’s she doing? Sophia said she thought she would be okay, but we’ve all been worried,” Claire said.

  “She w
as still sleeping when I left. Hale picked up some medicine for her, though, and Dr. Harrell finished checking her over right before I came,” I said. “That’s why I was late. I didn’t want to leave before I knew she was going to be all right. Sorry for making you wait.”

  Shaking her head, Claire brushed away my apology. “Don’t apologize. Your mom is more important. I wasn’t sure you would even want to go through with this today.” Her eyes came up to mind, concern filling them. “We can wait if you want. We don’t have to do this today.”

  “No,” I said quickly, “I don’t want to wait. Nothing will help my mom recover quicker than having a wedding to plan.”

  Claire smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. Taking her chin in my hand, I tilted her face up to look at me. “She’ll be okay,” I said. “Dr. Harrell said there wouldn’t be any permanent damage. Let’s just try to focus on seeing the Elders for now.”

  “We’ll give her the good news together as soon as we’re done with the Elders then,” Claire said confidently. “She’ll be so excited.”

  I loved Claire so much. She had stuck by me through more than I could have asked, and always did it with such love and compassion. I would never have survived the last couple months without her. The desire to kiss her and show her just how much I loved her was overwhelming. As usual, her angry father glaring at me over her shoulder held me back.

  Not wanting to anger Thomas any further than was absolutely necessary, I embraced Claire carefully. Her face turned up to look at mine, faith that everything would be okay shining in her eyes. Her soft hair cascaded down her back, tickling my hands like tiny feathers, bringing a slight smile to my lips. The black sweep of her eyelashes touched her cheeks as she closed her eyes and reached up to kiss my cheek.

  I reveled in her touch, but the heat from her father’s stare stiffened my body. Why couldn’t her mom have come instead? Tradition. My mom had only gotten permission to come with me because my dad wasn’t alive to present me. I ground my teeth, wishing this tradition would miraculously die out in the next few minutes.

  Claire’s lips pursed at my reaction, her eyes opening and turning back to her father. “He’s going to have to get used to this eventually,” she said.

  “He will,” I replied, “but let’s not push our luck right now.” Refraining from returning her kiss, I hugged her tightly, pulling her close to my body.

  Leaning her head against my chest, Claire spoke quietly. “Are you nervous, Uriah?”

  “Yes,” I said honestly. Her brow crinkled, and I felt the need to clarify. “I just wish my mom and dad could have been here with me. I don’t want the Elders to look at me and think I’m just a kid.”

  Claire pulled back a little, looking me in the eyes. “I doubt anyone would look at you and think you were anything but a man.”

  I knew she was talking about my physical appearance, but the Elders would surely consider much more. In some ways, I knew why Claire’s father wanted me to walk away. I should have been planning to leave for college in a few weeks like Tyler and Lana. Thomas knew I was going to stay here and get started on my Pre-Vet degree online. He was less than thrilled with the prospect of me sticking around for another year. I don’t know if he thought I was weak for not going, or not serious enough about becoming a veterinarian because I was doing it from my laptop, but he looked at me like a piece of scum more than ever since finding out.

  Thomas had most likely been hoping that in the year it would take Claire to finish high school, she would forget about me and move on. I think he knew it would take more than distance to break our relationship, but he had still hoped. Thomas wished she had chosen just about anyone but me. His money gave him power, but being the grandson of the last Tewa Chief made him very prideful of his family name. I think he thought of himself as the unofficial chief of our tribe. My only guess was that he thought the chief’s daughter deserved better than me. He did not want her marrying a rancher.

  The creaking of a wooden door banished any more guesses about why Thomas despised me. Wauneta Begay emerged from the building, her face serene. Wauneta’s husband had passed away last winter in a car accident. Married less than a year, she was devastated. Moving on had seemed impossible to her at the time, but slowly she came to accept his passing. Because she and my mom were friends I knew that she had been planning to consult the Elders about ending her mourning. The discussion must have gone well. I was glad to see her smiling again.

  Watching Wauneta, Claire squeezed my hand. “Are you ready?”

   “Yes,” I said. Glancing at Claire’s father, I watched his face twist in agony. I couldn’t help smiling at his pain. “Is your dad?”

  A quick giggle brought her hand to her mouth. Her father stood, his fists clenched and clamped to his sides. “Like I said, he’ll get used to it eventually,” Claire said.

  “I sure hope so.”

  Leaving his perch, Thomas held his hand out to his daughter. “Claire, you will enter with me.”

  Sighing, Claire released her grip on me and walked over to her dad. Her brilliant smile did nothing to improve his mood, but it lifted away any uneasiness I felt. How could the Elders reject our petition? I followed my love into the Council House, sure of our future.

  The foyer seemed much too dark after coming in from the noonday sun. I stood blinking my eyes, waiting for them to adjust before attempting to walk any further. The last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself by tripping over a table or stepping on someone’s foot. Slowly, the dim light of the wall fixtures reached my eyes. A young man stood next to the doors leading to the main chamber, a bored expression on his face. Claire stopped next to her dad, though she had little chance of going anywhere else.

  Holding her hand so tightly that Claire’s fingertips were a deep red, Thomas Brant looked straight ahead. Claire was pretending not to notice him as she glanced around the room casually. I followed her lead. I had never been in the Council House before. The walls were covered in a thick plaster that was surprisingly still in very good condition for its age. Beautiful pottery, weavings, Kachina dolls, and sand paintings decorated almost every inch of the space. Many of the items were Tewa Indian artifacts, but others were from neighboring tribes. The collection was breathtaking.

  “Thomas Brant, Uriah Crowe, you may go into the main chamber to speak with the Elders now,” the young man said. 

  He waved us forward. I paused, letting Thomas lead. Having no parent to present me to the council, I would not move in front of him. Smirking at the allowance, he stepped forward grandly. I took a deep breath and tried very hard to ignore him. Moving confidently, I followed Thomas into the main chamber.

  The five Elders of our tribe sat against the opposite wall. Their high backed chairs had held the Elders of San Juan Pueblo for many generations. The hard oak table that stretched in front of them had been smoothed and polished by age. Three men sat on the council, Tansin Amory, Dale Hatch, and Samuel Atcity. Nestled between the men were the two female council members, Anise Yazzie and Quaile Faimin, our tribe’s shaman. Quaile stared at our group with dark searching eyes. She would be the one to answer our petition. Her eyes were fixed on me now, bright and intent under heavy, wrinkled lids. My heart sped up, my composure beginning to crack.

  Quaile leaned forward and spoke. “How is your mother doing, Uriah? Mrs. Brant informed us of the attack.”

  Some people hated small towns for the fact that everybody knew your business, but I actually found it comforting. Not surprised that they had already heard about it, I answered quickly. “Sophia is taking very good care of her, and Dr. Harrell has already seen her and said there won’t be any lasting damage to her leg.”

  Every member of the Council nodded in relief. Quaile’s compassion disappeared quickly, though. “I’m glad to hear Lina will be alright. You are not here to discuss your mother, however. Let us move on with this proceeding.” Placing her hands on the table in front of her, Quaile stared at me. “Why have you come bef
ore the Council this day?” Quaile asked, although she already knew the answer. She seemed as eager about this as Thomas did.

  Grudgingly, Thomas stepped forward. “I, Thomas Brant, come before you to present my daughter, Claire Brant. She asks permission to marry Uriah Crowe.”

  Quaile nodded and turned to me.

  “I, Uriah Crowe, come before the Elders to ask permission to marry Claire Brant.” I stepped back again, glancing at Quaile before bowing my head respectfully. Her gaze lingered on me again. Her mouth turned down in a frown. Sweat seemed to spring from every pore in my body. I fervently hoped no one would notice.

  “I must consider your request,” Quaile said. Closing her eyes, her whole body relaxed. The age she carried visibly lessened. Her face smoothed as her gaze turned upward.

  My mother had told me that Quaile’s visions could last a few seconds, or take hours. I didn‘t actually believe in Quaile’s ability to see the future any more than I believed in most of the tribal myths my mom and dad had taught me as a child, but tradition was important to them and I would not shame my parents by mocking it.

  To me, however, it shouldn’t have taken more than a second to know that Claire and I were meant for each other. For everyone around us, never mind her father, it was easy to see. I had loved Claire since before I was even old enough to understand the concept, and could imagine myself with no one else. I knew she felt the same about me.

  Quickly, I stole a glance at Claire. She watched the shaman with hopeful eyes. I smiled at her eagerness. Afraid of nothing, she was always the first to try something new. Her wild spirit bounced against my sensible self, forcing me to grow and expand just to keep up with her. Her face turned to me unexpectedly, beautiful and confident. She reached for my hand. Unsure whether it was appropriate or not for me to take it, I hesitated. Her smile widened, encouraging me. I took her hand, feeling only her confidence radiate into my body this time.

  Abruptly, Quaile’s eyes snapped wide. Her hands fluttered to her face nervously. Her eyes were still unfocused, searching for something. The other Elders watched her carefully. The man to her left, Dale Hatch, hovered on the edge of his chair. I wasn’t sure if this normally happened, but the tense hush that had fallen over the room made me think it wasn’t. Finally, Quaile’s hands quieted and fell back to her lap. Her eyes were stilled and focused once more. Sagging with weariness, Quaile took a deep, calming breath.

  Dale touched her arm gently. “Quaile, are you all right?” he asked.

  The concern in his voice made me wary. What just happened? Something didn’t seem right. Did she actually see something? I had never believed in most of the tales our tribe told, but the fear in her eyes had come from somewhere. Why would Quaile have any reason to fear our marriage?

  “Yes, Dale, I am fine,” Quaile responded kindly, or as kindly as she ever spoke to anyone. Quaile turned her attention back to our small group. Her face clouded again, her teeth clamped down tightly. My stomach lurched. Unsure of why she would react this way, I met her eyes, trying to allay any fears she might have about me. It was apparent by the other council members’ faces that this was not the normal response to a marriage request.

  “Miss Quaile,” I asked, bringing a hard look from Claire's father, “did you receive an answer?”

  “Yes, Uriah, I did.” She looked down at her lap, hesitating again before looking back up at me. “No. You may not marry Claire.”

                                

   

   

  16: Denial

   

   

  “What?” I asked. Blood drained from my face as Claire’s hand tightened around mine. Her crushing grip squeezed my fingers painfully. “What do you mean I can’t marry Claire? I love her. We want to get married next year.”

  “Yes,” Quaile answered tightly, “I can see that you both love each other very much, but I cannot allow you to marry her. She is not your Twin Soul.”

  Claire gasped. Everyone in the chamber looked shocked by her announcement. I couldn’t believe it. Never had a couple who came before the council been denied the right to marry, never. Asking permission of the Elders was just a pointless tradition. It didn’t even matter. Most people didn’t even bother asking the Elders. They just got married somewhere else. At that moment, I sincerely wished we had been one of those. How could she deny us?

  “What do you mean we aren’t Twin Souls?” Claire demanded. Her father yanked her behind him, but Claire tore her hand from his and stalked up to the table, stopping in front of Quaile. “You can see how much Uriah and I love each other. Who are you to tell us we can’t be married?” Her voice was sharp and serious. Claire’s aggressive streak had cooled a lot in the last year, but it popped back up now. Her father hissed at her to hold her tongue and step back. I don’t think she even heard him.

  Pushing away the shock and searching my mind for reasons for her denial, I approached Quaile as well. “Do you think we’re not ready yet? Do you want us to wait a little longer before we get married, come back at the next meeting? Maybe that’s why your vision, or whatever it was, said we shouldn’t be married. I love Claire more than anything. You have to see that. I don’t really believe in Twin Souls, but if there was anyone out there meant only for me, it’s definitely Claire. You have to see that.”

  “It is not because you are young, Uriah,” Quaile said. The pity in her voice was torturous. “I have known you all your life. You are a strong and wise young man. It is not a matter of waiting. My vision was very specific. Claire is not meant for you. I cannot allow you to marry her. I am so sorry, Uriah.”

  I stepped back in disbelief. Not meant for me? Of course Claire and I were meant for each other. There was no one else I had ever wanted, or would ever want. There had to be something behind this. Without realizing my thoughts had turned into actions, I turned to glare at Thomas. Blood rushed to my face as I considered what he might have done. I raised my finger in accusation, but before a single word could escape my lips, Quaile spoke.

  “This has nothing to do with Thomas, Uriah. He would be lucky to have you as his son.” Thomas snorted in response to that, but Quaile’s threatening glare silenced him at once.

  “I don’t understand,” I said. Trying to calm my scattered mind, I took Claire’s hand again. Her frightened expression tore at me. I pulled her close to me, refusing to release my claim on her.

  “I will be honest, Uriah. I do not understand all of this either,” Quaile said, “but that is my decision. You may not marry her.”

  Dale Hatch suddenly spoke up. “Quaile, I mean no disrespect, but are you sure?”

  I would have expected Quaile to reprimand him for questioning her, as she did everyone else, but she merely sighed. “Yes, Dale, I am sure.”

  “It’s just that this has never happened before,” Dale said slowly. “Never in our history has the shaman denied a couple the right to marry on tribal lands. You were told specifically that Claire and Uriah should not be allowed to marry?”

  “Yes,” Quaile said. “My vision was very clear on that point. On everything else…” Her voice faded as her thoughts turned back to her vision. I stared at her hard, hoping for more of an explanation. What else had she seen? Snapping back to the waiting crowd, Quaile continued. “They are both destined to meet their Twin Souls. They cannot marry.”

  “Both?” Anise Yazzie asked. “It is rare enough for one person to meet their Twin Soul, we haven’t even seen a Twin Soul in three generations, but you believe both Claire and Uriah will meet their Twin Souls?”

  “I believe nothing, Anise. I know it. The vision showed me that Claire will be the first to meet her Twin Soul, then Uriah. If these two are allowed to marry now, they will only be torn apart later,” Quaile said.

  “But surely they must be allowed to choose,” Anise said.

  “No,” Quaile said forcefully. “I know that not everyone believes in Twin Souls as strongly as I d
o, but they are very real. When these two young people meet their Twin Souls, the pull will be too strong for either of them to resist. They will abandon the other without a backward glance.”

  “I would never abandon Claire. You know nothing about me, Quaile,” I said. My fists and teeth were clenched tightly, trying to hold in my anger. The other Elders stared at me, some with pity, some with confusion. Quaile ignored my comment entirely and turned to her fellow Elders.

  “Think, Anise. If we let them marry and they do not meet their Twin Souls for a few years, think of what might happen during that time,” Quaile said. Anise cocked her head to the side. Her expression was uncomprehending. “Children, Anise. What if they have children, and are then ripped apart. The children will suffer as much as anyone. There is just too much to risk.”

  Anise’s face turned down in a frown and I knew we were losing her support quickly. “Do you know when they will meet their Twin Souls?” she asked. “If it isn’t for many years, perhaps the joy they could have before then would be worth the pain of separation later.”

  “I don’t know when it will happen,” Quaile admitted. “There are too many factors involved to predict with any exactness. It could be thirty years from now, or it could be tomorrow. All I know is that it will happen. That is definite.”

  “I see,” Anise muttered. “Yes, I think the risk is too great.”

  “What are you even talking about?” Claire demanded. “We should be the ones deciding whether the risk is too great or not. If Uriah and I want to get married then we will get married. We really don’t need your permission to do it either. Your decision won’t stop us.”

  “This is not up for debate, Claire,” Thomas said. The satisfaction in his voice matched his smug expression. Claire’s fingers squeezed my hand tightly as her determination faltered.

  “Claire, Uriah, I’m sorry, but I think we all agree with Quaile.” Dale Hatch’s quick glance around the table saw that his fellow Elders were nodding in agreement. “We will not allow you to be married.”

  “This is for the best, Uriah,” Quaile said.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Quaile,” I said forcefully, “but I will not accept your answer. I only came here today because my dad wanted me to. It was one of the last things he asked me to do before he died. Claire and I will be married. If we have to leave to do it, then so be it.” Claire sparked back to life. She threw her arms around me in defiance of the council and of her father. The smile on her face challenged everyone in the room to oppose us.

  “Uriah, please don’t do this. You can go to Santa Fe and have no problem finding someone to marry you, but it will only bring you misery. You will both find your Twin Souls someday, and when you do, you will break each other’s hearts. You will abandon Claire, and she you. Neither of you will be able to stop yourselves.”

  “I will never abandon Claire. Never.”

  “You will have to. Claire will beg you to forget her, to leave her. Would you ask her to give up true happiness for you?” Quaile stared at me, accusing me.

  “I wouldn’t have to ask her anything. She would never ask me to leave.” I held Quaile’s stare, refusing to back down. Finally, her eyes lowered with a weary sigh.

  “You are making a very big mistake, Uriah.”

  “I don’t care what you think,” I said. I knew my mother would be horrified at my behavior, but I could not stand there for another second listening to Quaile’s accusations. Still gripping Claire's hand, I turned and stalked out of the room. Claire was almost running to keep up with me.

  “I would never leave you either, Uriah,” she said with surety.

  I smiled down at her. “I know.” Slamming the doors open, I was glad to be free of the cloying chamber. The doors didn’t have time to slam back against the frame before Thomas shoved them back open.

  “Get your hands off my daughter, Uriah. The Elders said no. You have no right to her now!” He grabbed for Claire’s hand, but she lithely pulled it away.

  People going about their business in the town glanced in our direction. I stepped toward Thomas, pulling Claire behind me. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I did not want Claire facing down her father quite yet.

  “Thomas, calm down. I need to think,” I said quickly. None of this made any sense. I had to figure out what to do before I lost control of my own life.

  “There’s nothing to think about, Uriah. Let go of her, now.”

  “No. I need to talk to my mom first,” I said. She would know what to do.

  “Mine too,” Claire said. Her father glared at her. She stiffened and glared back. “Have you ever heard of the Elders denying anyone the right to marry on tribal lands?”

  Her father hesitated, briefly. “It doesn’t matter. Quaile said no, and her word is final.”

  “I’m going to go with Uriah to speak with Mrs. Crowe, and then we’ll come to the house and talk about this with Mom, too. She only wanted us to ask the Elders because it’s tradition. She’s not going to agree with you,” Claire argued. “Don’t try to stand in our way, Dad. Uriah won’t let you, and you know it!”

  I had missed Claire’s intensity lately. I couldn’t believe she was actually using me as a threat, though. Would I really be able to change his mind again? Things were getting so bizarre and out of control that I didn’t know what I was capable of anymore.

  “Fine,” Thomas growled, “you may go and see Uriah’s mother, but get home quickly after that. Don’t keep me waiting.” He stepped closer to me, his eyes tinged with fury. “If you even think of taking off with my daughter, Uriah, I will call the police and tell them you kidnapped her. I’m still her father and she’s still only seventeen.”

  Claire rolled her eyes and turned away from him. I watched Thomas carefully. Claire’s father was not a strong man in morals or physical strength, but he did have significant influence with the local law enforcement. If I did run away with Claire, I might never be able to come back. I knew what that would mean for my mother, as did Thomas. I nodded, showing that I understood the implications, and turned away as well.

  Claire pulled me down the street. Her ferocity diminished slowly as the events of the afternoon started to sink in. The walk through town was quiet at first. I kept glancing around me, wondering if the townspeople watching us already knew of the Elder’s decision. Word spread quickly in small towns, and despite the changes the casino caused, San Juan was still a small town.

  During my early childhood, less than seven hundred people had lived in San Juan. As a child, every adult knew my name and the names of every child in the community. I knew most of the adults’ names as well. When the casino was built just outside of town eight years ago, it brought with it a population boom, swelling the town to nearly six thousand. Still much smaller than many other cities, the original San Juan residents were still adjusting to the sudden change.

  The main street through town was one of the few areas that had been updated with the arrival of the casino. I walked down the road, taking little notice of the new store signs or the flashy window displays. Regardless of how much San Juan had changed, my life had just been changed even more.

  Reaching the outer edge of San Juan, the summer crowds began to lessen and I was able to put the people and town out of my mind. Claire’s demeanor changed as well. Her fingers wound more tightly around my hand. Her face turned toward mine.

  “Uriah,” she began softly, “will you really take me away from here if the Elders won’t change their minds?”

  Thinking of my mom briefly, I answered, “Yes. I’ll find a way for us to be married.”

  Claire’s beautiful smile spread across her face. “I don’t believe a word Quaile said, do you?”

  In all honesty, I had never believed that Quaile possessed any power other than wisdom from old age, and even that I wasn’t sure about. Even now with her strange denial, I could not bring myself to believe she had seen any vision, but I couldn’t figure out why she would deny us eit
her. “No. I don’t think Quaile can see the future. I just don’t understand why she’s doing this to us.”

  “It was probably my dad,” Claire said flatly. “He would do just about anything to keep us apart.”

  “Why does he hate me so much?” I asked.

  “Because you make me happy and you’ve ruined his clever plans for my future,” Claire said. She pulled her body closer to mine. “If there’s more to it than that, I have no idea what it is.”

  “He’s serious about calling the police if we leave, you know,” I said.

  Claire’s face lost a little of its luster. Her chin dipped, but only for a second before popping back up with a brilliant grin. “I know he is, but he can’t keep us apart forever. I turn eighteen in less than three months. After that, we can do whatever we want.”

  “Three more months isn’t so bad,” I said with a tempered smile. I would marry Claire right now if I could, but our mothers had been insistent that we wait until Claire graduated from high school. With everyone else against us, I wondered if we could really last until next summer.

  “Let’s see what my mom says first,” I said. “I’m sure your mom will be fine with us getting married still, but my mom really believes in what Quaile says and sees.”

  “Your mom knows us better than Quaile. She’ll side with us,” Claire said. Her surety was comforting, but I was still doubtful of what my mom would say.

  The day had turned out so different from what I expected when I woke up this morning. First the attack, now this. My thoughts whirled, trying out plan after plan, a different one for every reaction my mom might have. Uncertainty lingered in my mind. How many nights had I gone to bed as a child listening to my mother tell me stories of Twin Souls, legendary warriors, and great shaman of our tribe? She would not pass off Quaile’s warning easily. I hoped Claire was right. My mom knew us well. She had to side with us. With everything my mom had been through lately, I couldn’t bear to abandon her.

  Claire leaned into me, and I held her close. Her head reached only to my shoulder, but her body seemed molded to mine. I held her and wondered how anyone could think we didn’t belong together.

   

   

   

  17: Amazing Enough

   

   

  The rust colored adobe house where my mother lay wounded came into view and our pace quickened. Claire’s hand tightened around mine despite her earlier confidence. We crossed the gravel driveway as the sound of Sophia’s voice carried through an open window. She was singing. I didn’t recognize the song, but the reminder that her gentle healing arts were caring for my mom took a little of the weight off my shoulders.

  I was glad Sophia was still at the house. She had said before I left this morning that she would stay with us until my mom got better. It was a lot to ask, though. Having other patients to attend to, it would be a sacrifice to devote so much time to my mom. Her guilt over my dad’s death was probably a big motivation. I felt bad playing on her guilt, especially since it was unfounded, but I really did need her help.

  Feeling absolutely no guilt about pulling Sophia into our battle with Quaile, I hurried toward the house. I knew she would side with us. She didn’t seem to care much for tribal beliefs, and was even less enamored with Quaile. Quaile’s opinions on pretty much any matter meant very little to Sophia.

  I pushed open the front door, a little less nervous than before. Sophia’s song drifted off soothingly when we entered. Keeping her voice to a whisper, she asked, “The Elders weren’t too upset that you were late, were they?”

  “No,” I said shaking my head, “they didn’t care about that.”

  Finding the words to tell her what had happened seemed too challenging as I looked down at my mom. I had been hoping to return with news to cheer her up. Instead I was bringing her one more problem neither of us had the strength to deal with right now.

  “Uriah,” Sophia said, “what happened?” I didn’t look at her right away. It took her soft touch on my shoulder to bring my gaze up to her. Shifting as her eyes fluttered opened, my mom looked up at me and the answer to Sophia’s question stuck in my throat. I couldn’t tell her.

  “Uriah, Claire, what’s wrong?” my mom asked. Her weak voice was the only sound in the room. She struggled to prop herself up, but Sophia immediately settled her back down on the pillow.

  “You need rest, Lina. Don’t try to get up,” Sophia commanded.

  My mom scowled, but didn’t try to get up again. Sophia nodded and sat back in her chair rather than going back to cleaning. She kept both eyes pinned on me, but let my mom ask the question this time. “What happened?”  

  “The Elders denied us,” I said slowly, trying to utter the words without screaming them in anger. My mom’s tired face wrinkled in confusion.

  Sophia stared at us, her round face hardening into a frown. “They did what?”

  “Quaile won’t allow us to be married. She said Claire isn’t my Twin Soul,” I said, anger building again. “As if that even matters. Neither of us actually believes in the old myths anyway. They’re just stories to teach kids how to behave better, or fairytales to help them fall asleep at night. I just don’t understand why she told us no.”

  My mom looked down, her hands twisting together as she considered the news. Sophia stood up, scraping her chair across the floor, and stepped closer to Claire and I. “I can’t believe she would do that,” Sophia spat. “Quaile thinks she is the absolute authority on everything. How dare she tell you that you can’t marry Claire.”

  Sophia and Quaile had never gotten along. Quaile openly disapproved of Sophia’s attempt to mix traditional medicine with modern science, and Sophia seemed to consider Quaile’s leadership outdated and useless. My mother, however, had the upmost respect for both women. Seeing what Sophia had done for my mom this morning compared to Quaile’s actions at the Council House, I was inclined to agree with Sophia. I would never say as much to my mom, though.

  “I can’t stand that woman,” Sophia muttered.

  “Sophia, hold your tongue, please. Let me think,” my mother said. Her hand moved wearily to her head. Sophia huffed in irritation, but didn’t comment again.

  I stood with Claire, too upset to sit. I waited, not entirely patient, but also not wanting to rush my mother’s decision. Claire fidgeted nervously by my side. I couldn’t leave my mom to fend for herself, but I won’t give Claire up, either. Finally, my mom looked up at us. I steeled myself for her reaction.

  “Uriah, what do you want to do?” she asked.

  Surprised by her question, I was slow to answer. Claire squeezed my hand, prompting me to speak. “I want to marry Claire, of course.”

  My mom smiled. “Yes, I know, dear. How do you plan to accomplish that? Will you wait until the next meeting when the Elders reconvene and ask again, or will you leave?” Her last words came out as a whisper. Tears welled up in her eyes.

  My heart sank. Could I really leave? Avoiding the second part of her question, I asked, “Do you really think waiting would help? Would Quaile actually give a different answer next time?”

  My mom shook her head slowly. She already knew the answer to that question. Quaile never changed her mind about anything, even when everybody knew she was dead wrong. “Where will you go?” she asked. “Claire is still seventeen. You know she can’t get married without her parents’ permission. Will you at least wait until she finishes school?”

  I looked at Claire. She had the same questions in her eyes. Remembering Thomas’s promise, I could only stutter out a quick answer. “I…I don’t know.”

  Walking toward my mom, I kneeled next to the couch. Claire, still keeping a tight grip on my hand, knelt beside me. As much as I wanted to rush off to Santa Fe, I knew I couldn’t disappear and leave everything hanging on my mom. “I won’t leave you by yourself, Mom. If we can convince Claire’s parents to let us get married somewhere else, we’ll go and come right back here. If her dad
won’t agree, we’ll decide what to do then. We weren’t planning on getting married until next summer anyway, after Claire finishes school, and I think we should stick with that for now. We don’t have to rush into anything right now.”

  I tried desperately to remind myself of that fact. I felt like my world was tumbling out of control, but nothing had to be decided right this moment. Time, at least, was still on my side. Even dealing with Thomas could be managed given enough time and persistence, and whatever else it was I did. “I’m sure Hale will help with the ranch when we go,” I said, knowing we would certainly have to leave sooner or later.

  “Hale can manage the ranch on his own for a few days,” Sophia said. “He’s a good kid, trustworthy. I spoke to him already about staying on full time until you’re better, Lina.”

  I flinched at that, thinking of the cost. Having Hale help us out a couple of hours a day was already a stretch on our budget. We would find a way to make it work. I did need the help.

  “Thank you, Sophia,” I said. I had expected her to side with us immediately. She always disagreed with Quaile, but I knew she was honestly trying to help in any way she could. I appreciated her more than ever.

   “Uriah,” my mom said quietly, “do you believe in Twin Souls?”

  I stared at her. Was she going to tell us no? I considered my words carefully. “I guess, in the literal sense, no. I believe in Twin Souls in the sense that Claire is the only woman I would ever want to be with.”

  A soft expression crossed my mom’s face. Glancing at Sophia, she sighed. Sophia shrugged her shoulders, obviously unconcerned with whatever my mom was thinking. “Twin Souls are real, Uriah, in the literal sense. Sadly, most people will never find their Twin Soul. When a couple goes to the Elders for permission, they think they are going there to make sure that they are Twin Souls, but in fact, the shaman’s vision tells her whether either of the individuals will ever actually meet their Twin Soul.

  “If the vision shows the shaman that neither person will meet their Twin Soul, she will give them permission to marry. However, if even one of the pair will meet their Twin Soul, the shaman must refuse their request.” My mom considered what she had said and perhaps what she had not. Her brows knit together as she struggled with her thoughts. “Did Quaile tell you when you might meet your Twin Souls?”

  “No,” I said, irritated that we were even discussing it. Hadn’t she already given us permission? “All she said was that one day we would meet our Twin Souls and we wouldn’t be able to resist them. I don’t believe her. I would never do that to Claire, and neither would she.”

  “It wouldn’t even be a choice, Uriah. A Twin Soul is not just the person who is the most perfect choice for you. It is truly the other half of your soul, separated before you were born to this earth. I know you may not believe that, but it’s true. I won’t stop you and Claire from getting married, but I want you to do it understanding that one day you’ll find your Twin Souls and you will abandon each other.”

  I could feel the heat spreading across my face. My hand tightened around Claire’s in anger at my mom’s words. “How can you say that? Do you really think I would hurt Claire?”

  Her hand reached out and settled gently on my arm. Her face was full of compassion and love. “Uriah, you are one of the most loving and kind people I have ever known. I know you love Claire with all your heart and that you truly believe you would never leave her. I’m just trying to explain that as much as you love Claire, without your Twin Soul your heart can never truly be full.”

  I didn’t understand what she was saying. How could I love someone more than I loved Claire? I would do anything, give up anything for her, including my own life. I would give it willingly. I stared at her with questions there seemed to be no answers for. Why couldn’t Claire be my Twin Soul? Maybe Quaile was wrong. I looked at Claire, still pressed against my side. Her face was as uncomprehending as mine.

  “Look, none of this Twin Souls nonsense matters to either of us. Will you give us your permission to go to Santa Fe and get married despite the Elder’s decision?” I asked.

  “Of course I will, Uriah. I wasn’t trying to change your mind, just make sure you knew what you were risking,” she said. Her voice wavered as she spoke. She was too tired to be dealing with this right now.

  “We don’t believe it will be a risk, Mrs. Crowe. I feel the same as Uriah. Nothing could separate us from each other,” Claire said.

  I wondered why my mom believed in Twin Souls so deeply. Most of the tribe members considered it only a superstition, a way to have control over young couples eager to marry. I don’t think most of the couples who went to the Elders even knew that they were being checked to see if they were Twin Souls. So much of our beliefs had fallen to the past. Everyone probably just thought they were simply being respectful and asking permission to get married. Twin Souls were only in bedtime stories. Weren’t they?

  Thinking of how dedicated my parents had always been to each other, I asked “Were you and Dad Twin Souls?”

  Even before getting to know Claire’s parents, whose relationship was beyond me to understand, I had known that my parents were absolutely devoted to each other. I thought their relationship was what marriage was meant to be, but perhaps there was more to it than that.

  A sad smile crossed my mother’s face, but only briefly. Her hands folded tightly against her chest. “No, we weren’t.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I grew up watching my mom and dad and I knew they loved each other deeply. My dad had doted on my mom, living just to make her happy. My mom had always found joy in helping him and doing what she considered small things to make his life infinitely happier. Was she saying that she wasn't as happy with Dad as it looked like she was?  If they were not Twin Souls, I had no idea who else to look for as an example. “How can you really believe that?” I asked her.

  The accusing tone in my voice snapped her eyes up to my face, before they settled into a glare. “Do not misunderstand me, Uriah,” she said in a voice equally hurt. “I loved your father as much as you love Claire, and he loved me too, but in the face of true Twin Souls, our love was a candle next to the sun.” Closing her eyes, my mom calmed her emotions. When she spoke again the anger was gone from her voice.

  “I’m sorry, Uriah. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m just so tired,” she said. Rubbing her forehead briefly, it took a moment before she was able to continue. “Most people have never met true Twin Souls, so they can’t be blamed for not knowing the difference. Myself, I was incredibly lucky to have met Twin Souls. You never met them, but your father’s parents were true Twin Souls. Before your grandparents died, they came here to live with us so we could take care of them in their final days. The second they stepped through the door I felt it.

  “Their love was so strong, everyone around them could feel it, almost see it. They rarely had to speak to each other. They were so in synch that it just wasn’t necessary. Both of them often spoke about the sensation they felt when they finally met. Grandma Saqui said she felt such an overwhelming sense of completion when she met Grandpa Chua that she could not imagine her life without him. She felt that she would cease to exist if they were ever separated.”

  Claire looked up at me, the question clear on her face. Was my mom being overdramatic to make us consider our course more carefully, or was she being serious? I shook my head slowly. I wasn’t sure myself. I never knew my dad’s parents, so I had no personal witness to their extraordinary love, but my mom never lied or overstepped the truth, even in the smallest degree.

  “I was so confused by this,” Mom continued, “so I went to Quaile, seeking her wisdom. She confirmed my fears. Your father was not my Twin Soul as I had believed.” A tear escaped her eyes, but a deft finger brushed it away.

  “I was devastated, but Quaile was quick to reassure me. She told me that, although I would never meet my Twin Soul, your father loved me dearly and would always take care of me. It was her way of s
aying that he would never meet his Twin Soul either. She said that I should count myself lucky to have been in the presence of true Twin Souls. It was such a rare gift.

  “I wasn’t sure about that, as it left me feeling so incomplete, but the more I was around them the more I understood. It was an honor to have known them, to know that such true and pure love could exist filled me with joy and hope. And even though I couldn’t have that with your father, I came to realize that it didn’t matter. Your father made me happy and I knew our love was pure and full, if not as intense as your grandparents’ love.”

  My mom watched our expressions. Mine, at least, was mystified. Why was she telling us this? Even her own words seemed so conflicting, as if she didn’t know what she hoped to accomplish with the story. Did she want me to give up because I was not Claire’s Twin Soul, or find happiness with Claire despite never being able to share such an intense bond with her?

  “When you and Claire fell in love, I hoped she was your Twin Soul. I didn’t feel the same in your presence as I had around your grandparents, but I didn’t know whether that was something that developed over time or happened instantly,” my mom said. “Now we know for certain, but still, I will not stop you from leaving, Uriah. I don’t know that I’m right to let you go, but I will not take away your right to choose. You need to be able to choose as least some of what will happen to you in the future. ”

  “Uh, thanks, I guess.” I was so confused. Did she want me to leave, or not? Why tell me about this amazing love she believed I could never have with Claire, if she was fine with me leaving and disobeying the Elders? And what did that last comment mean? It sounded like she was saying there would be some things in my future I wouldn’t get to choose. Did that have something to do with my dad’s letter? I wished she would just tell me what I needed to know.

  I couldn’t deal with all of this talk of myths and fantasy. I looked into Claire’s eyes and smiled. In all honesty, I didn’t care about my mom’s story, not in the way she seemed to. I cared about Claire. Even if my Twin Soul walked into the room that very second, I did not believe I would find her so irresistible. I would turn my back, with Claire in my arms.

  My mom smiled. My reaction must have been what she was wanting, though I could not understand why. Her whole demeanor lightened and relaxed. Claire leaned closer to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders, and holding me tightly. I could tell that my mom’s words had disturbed her as well. Would we receive the same cryptic permission from Claire’s mother? Or would she just refuse us entirely? It was time to find out.

  “Mrs. Crowe, thank you for giving us your permission to get married,” Claire said politely. “My parents are waiting for us, though. My dad doesn’t want us to go through with this, of course, but we still need to at least get my mother’s permission before we decide anything for sure.”

  “Of course, dear.” My mom tried to push herself higher on her pillow, but stopped when pain made her grimace. Instead, she stretched her hands out to my soon-to-be bride. Claire instantly reached out to her. Their embrace was warm, despite the earlier mood.

  “It will take you some time to plan everything, but I’ll do what I can to help you. Have your mom call me later so we can start planning.” Claire smiled at her optimism. I was not quite as enthusiastic. Thomas was a stubborn man, a stubborn man who thought he had won today. It might take more than I could do to convince him this time.

  “Thank you, Mom,” I said. “I’ll come back as soon as we talk to Claire’s parents. You just rest and let Sophia help you.” Sophia snorted at that. We both knew how well my mom took instruction from anyone but my dad. I knew Sophia was more than capable of keeping her patient in line. Thomas made me nervous. Having Sophia angry with me would honestly scare me.

  “Hurry back,” my mom said with a smile. “There are so many plans to make.” Helping Claire to her feet, I promised we would be back with news as soon as we could. Good news, hopefully. I knew Claire’s father was deadly serious when he threatened calling the police if we left without his permission. Claire’s shudder revealed her similar thoughts.

   “Don’t worry, Uriah,” Claire said. “Even if my dad tries to fight us on this, I know you’ll be able to change his mind. He can’t stand up to you anymore than anyone else can.”

  “I don’t know, Claire.”

  Patient frustration lined her features. “Why don’t you believe me about this? I’ve seen you do it a hundred times. No matter what the problem is, you tell people what to do and they do it. It’s worked on my dad before. It will work again.”

  “It doesn’t work on you,” I said. That was the most bizarre part of Claire’s theory. I didn’t want to believe her and accept that there was a part of me that had no explanation, or that I didn’t understand, but even stranger was the fact that Claire seemed to be the only person who was absolutely immune to it. I told her to do things, but if she didn’t think I was right she just ignored me.

  “I don’t know why it doesn’t work on me,” Claire said, “but I know it will work on my dad. You know it will, too. I don’t know why you argue with me about this.”

  “Because it freaks me out. That and the other stuff, it all makes me feel like there’s something waiting for me, like I should know something about myself, but I don’t,” I said. “It scares me.”

  Claire didn’t say anything for a few minutes. All the weird things that had been popping up over the last year bothered her too. It frustrated her to no end that she couldn’t figure any of it out. There was something about me that neither of us understood. I just had to hope that whatever it was wouldn’t interfere with marrying Claire. That was all I cared about right now.

  “My dad will give in,” Claire said softly. “I know he will.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I said. Maybe I could convince him, but what I really wanted was to have him agree on his own. Thomas looked at me with an expression that clearly said he did not think I was good enough for his daughter, and even though I knew I had no chance of ever proving myself to him, I couldn’t help but want his approval. I did not want to start off mine and Claire’s life together with a bitter fight between me and her dad.

  Claire walked beside me, her usual talkative nature subdued. I tried to forget Thomas as we walked. All too soon Claire’s home appeared. The creamy off-white stucco looked brilliant against the deep red terra cotta roof tiles. The lush lawn and rose gardens that surrounded the house were a testament to Sarah Brant’s East Coast roots. Few others bothered with so much greenery in the dry Southwestern desert.

  Claire stopped at the end of the paved driveway and looked up at me. “Are you ready?”

  “No,” I said, “but let’s go in anyway. It can’t be any worse than facing Quaile.” Claire just grimaced. We could ignore Quaile and go somewhere else to get married. She might not like us for it, but it wasn't like we had to see her all the time. She could think we were idiots, from a distance, all she wanted. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to be stuck with Thomas for the rest of my life. One way or the other.

  “You’ll convince him. Everything will be fine,” Claire said. She pulled me toward her home, but as we approached the door even Claire paused. “But if it isn’t, just remember that I turn eighteen in three months. We can make it three months. If we absolutely have to.”

  “Are you doubting me, now?” I asked. “This was your theory. You can’t doubt me now.”

  She laughed and kissed me. “Not doubting, just wishful thinking.”

  “What?”                                             

  “My dad saying no would be the only thing that would make you willing to go against our mom’s and run off with me to Santa Fe,” Claire said. “And I, for one, would be more than happy to marry you in October instead of next August.”

  I couldn’t keep myself from smiling.

  She tried to keep her playful grin but it slowly turned more serious. �
�But seriously, Uriah, you can do this. I know you can. I don’t know why, or how, but there is something truly amazing and special about you. It scared me at first, but whatever this is, it feels important. You can’t hide from it anymore.”

  “But I don’t want to be special or amazing, Claire. I just want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. For me, that’s amazing enough. You are the most important thing in my life.” I didn’t want whatever this other stuff was. I was just a rancher, and hopefully someday a veterinarian, too, but that was all I ever wanted to be. I didn’t want strange abilities or vague warnings about my future. I wanted to make Claire happy and raise my sheep. Why was that so much to ask?

  Every trace of her smile was gone, now. Claire held my face in her hands and held me in her gaze. I had never seen her look so serious before. This wasn’t a theory or joke to tease me with anymore. Our future together was in jeopardy. “If you want to marry me,” Claire said, “then you’re going to have to embrace this other side of you, because nothing short of you forcing my dad into letting us get married is going to work.”

  I nodded and reached for the door. It was time to see what I could really do.

   

   

   

  18: The Chance to Fight

   

   

  “Absolutely not! I will never allow it, Sarah.”

  “Sit down, Thomas.” Sarah Brant’s voice was calm, but edged with steel. This same fight had raged for weeks once already. We had all thought it was over, but not anymore. Thomas sat down with a huff. Sarah’s icy glare melted away, replaced by a sweet smile when she turned back to me and Claire. I shifted on the pale pink, antique couch.

  “I have a few questions for both of you before I decide,” she said.

  There was no point for Sarah to even try to make Thomas see reason. That was blatantly apparent. Him, I would deal with in a moment, but I wanted Sarah to give her approval freely. The fight she had just put up for us was a good indicator. Thomas undoubtedly saw Quaile’s refusal as his chance to change his wife’s mind, but Sarah was not about to budge for a myth she didn’t even believe in. She respected tradition, but I doubted she would let it interfere with Claire’s happiness. As much as Thomas ignored and belittled Claire, Sarah doted on her.

  Sarah would make her own decision and Thomas would be forced to live with the knowledge that he had tried to stop us. “When we first discussed you two getting married, you were planning on waiting until next summer, after Claire graduates. Those are still your plans?”

  Claire and I nodded in unison, but Claire’s hesitation told me that she was thinking of her eighteenth birthday just like I was. Her mother smiled at our half-hearted response and continued.

  “Now, I am fully aware that the only reason you are even asking our permission is because Claire is still only seventeen and can’t get married without one of us signing for her. Otherwise, I suspect you two might have been on your way to Santa Fe by now.”

  I could feel my face heating up, which brought another knowing smile from Sarah.

  “If Claire had already graduated, I would be happy to sign for her, but she still has another year of school left. Even though Claire turns eighteen in October, I would still like you to wait until next summer to get married. Are you honestly both okay with that?” she asked.

  “Of course, Mom,” Claire said quickly. “As long as we know you’re behind us, we can wait until next summer.” Her mother’s gaze fell on me.

  “Yes, Mrs. Brant. We’re both willing to wait until next summer. I don’t want anything to interfere with Claire finishing high school,” I said. I meant it, even though I hated making the promise. Claire and I were going to have to make some new friends if we were going to get through the next year. With Tyler and Lana leaving in two weeks, I had a feeling we might need a few distractions as the days wore on.

  “Wonderful,” Sarah said. Her smile widened.

  “You can’t give them permission by yourself, Sarah. I am the head of this family,” Thomas said. A quick look from his wife cut off his arguing. Thomas’s money and power worked on a lot of people, but Sarah wasn’t one of them.

  “Now, Uriah, darling, while I have the upmost respect for Miss Quaile and Tewa traditions, I would be thrilled to give you my permission to be married outside of the tribal lands. As for Thomas, he may still need some convincing.”

  Still wary of Thomas’s anger, I kept my eyes carefully trained on Sarah. “Thank you, Mrs. Brant.”

  “Don’t think you’ve won anything, Uriah. My influence goes well beyond San Juan Pueblo,” Thomas threatened. “I will never give my blessing for you and Claire to get married.”

  That was it.

  “Yes, you will.” I had sat and listened to him criticize me and point out all my faults for two hours. I was sick of it.

  “What…what did you say?” Thomas stuttered. “I won’t.”

  His voice was dangerously weak, but I had actually expected him to just agree right away.

  “You heard me, Thomas. I said that you will give us your permission.” His face was pale, but his jaw was tight enough to crush the teeth right out of his skull. “This is what Claire wants. She wants me. You have no right to tell her she can’t marry me.”

  Thomas still wasn’t ready to give in. “Claire doesn’t know what this will do to her. She doesn’t know. I can’t let her marry you!” Thomas said.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I know who you are! You aren’t right for her. You’re only going to hurt her.”

  “I’m not going to hurt her,” I argued. “And what do you mean, you know who I am? That’s the second time you’ve said that to me. What do you know?”

  Thomas choked on the breath he had just taken. “Nothing! I mean, I just meant that I know you aren’t the right person for her. Don’t ask me to let Claire marry you when I know it isn’t right. Quaile told you this wasn’t right.”

  I didn’t understand whether he was honestly talking about me not being Claire’s Twin Soul, or not. That couldn’t have been what he meant the first time he said it, but I had no idea what he might mean if that wasn’t it. Did he have the answers Claire and I had been looking for? Did that have something to do with why he hated me so much? I doubted he would want to tell me if he did know anything, but if I could get him to let us get married, maybe I could find out what he was hiding, too. His permission first, though.

  I was so tired of dealing with him. “Thomas, I’m not going to waste any more time arguing with you. You know that Claire should get to choose who she marries. You know it! Give us your permission, now, and I don’t want to hear another word about it from you,” I said.

  He looked absolutely sick. He knew I was right. The fight to control his daughter’s life drained out of him. “You’ll regret this, Uriah. You’ll figure out one day what a mistake this is. But if you really want it, you have it. You have my permission to marry Claire. You knew you would get it anyway,” he said, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “At least you gave me the chance to fight it.”

  Thomas sunk down into his chair. He knew he would give in. Did he know about Claire’s theory, or was it just experience that had taught him? Or maybe it was part of what he refused to tell me. He knew something about me, and I was going to find out what it was.

  It took a few moments for what had just happened to sink in for Claire and Sarah. Claire’s reaction was a little more active than mine. She jumped out of her chair and ran over to her mom. The ecstatic hug knocked Sarah into the back of her chair, but didn’t diminish either of their excitement. “Oh, thank you,” Claire gushed. There weren’t going to be any hugs for her dad.

  After extracting herself from the strangling hug, Sarah turned a slightly bewildered look back to her husband. I couldn’t help but follow it. “Thomas, why don’t you go and get some tea from the kitchen? We should drink to our daughter’s good news, and since they’re not old enough for a
nything stronger, tea will have to do.”

  I watched as the scowl on his face suddenly brightened at the mention of the tea. My thoughts clouded immediately. I doubted that he really liked tea enough to overwhelm his dislike for me. Perhaps he was just glad to get away from me before I made him agree to anything else. Claire brought my attention back to her with a crushing hug.

  “Oh, I’m so relieved,” she said. “I was actually kind of worried for a moment there, but I should have known you would handle him and make him see that he isn’t in charge of who I marry any more than Quaile is. Now we don’t have to wait the year, at least. I’d rather we got married in June anyway. Maybe things will still work out for the best regardless of Quaile.”

  I was, of course, just as thrilled as Claire was that her parents wouldn’t stand in our way, but when her dad returned, still wearing his strangely optimistic expression, I found it hard to return her enthusiasm. Nobody else seemed to notice Thomas’s odd behavior. Claire was back at her mother’s side discussing a date for the wedding. Slowly, Thomas set the tray on the small, elegant table between him and his wife.

  He passed out the dainty cups, though not with the ease of a practiced hostess that his wife possessed. I took a small sip of the tea after watching Thomas take a drink from his own cup. I really had no idea what he might do. I seriously doubted that his efforts to keep Claire away from me were over.

  “Claire?” Sarah’s voice sounded slightly off. “Claire, darling, are you all right?”

  Tea sloshed over my hand as I snapped around to look at her. Stunned by the look on her face, the cup slipped to the floor, my hand reaching out to clasp Claire’s. “Claire, what’s wrong?” The color in her face was fading rapidly. Her hand stiffened and seemed to lose its heat. “Claire,” I called, my voice tight and shaky. “Claire, please look at me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Her entire body crumpled, falling back into the chair. Sarah screamed and flew to her daughter’s side. She began tapping her face gently, calling her name, pleading with Claire to answer. My mind cleared in an instant and my fury rose, lifting me out of the chair. I turned to Thomas. His superior smirk disappeared quickly as he jumped out of his seat.

  “What did you do to her?” I yelled. He moved to grab the phone, but I snatched his hand from his side and held it, feeling his knuckles grind together sickeningly. His stuttering denials didn’t even reach my ears. I squeezed harder. His pleas changed into frightened squeals. “What was in her tea?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  Sarah Brant’s furious gaze snapped to her husband. There was no doubt in her mind that Thomas was responsible for the scene before us. Unwilling to leave her daughter’s side, the accusation in her voice was more painful than anything I had done. “Thomas Brant, you explain yourself this instant, or I will call the police myself!”

  I pulled the quivering man closer, twisting his arm painfully to bring him within inches of my face. Words escaped me now. The blood thudding through my veins urged me to snap the pitiful man in half. He must have seen what was coming.

  “Zarafen gave it to me,” he cried out. This did little to ease his pain.

  “Shaxoa,” Sarah hissed.

  “The witch?” I yelled. I couldn’t believe that Thomas would even risk speaking her name, let alone actually going to her. I knew Zarafen dealt in many things Quaile would curse as evil, but until this night, until I saw my precious Claire fall silent and still, I didn’t actually believe in her potions or curses.

  The mention of the evil woman’s name was enough to tear Sarah from Claire’s side. She flew at her husband in a rage. Her small fists beat at his face and body. I did nothing to stop her. “How could you?” she screamed. “She’s your daughter, you monster. How could you do this to her?”

  As if Thomas was just now seeing Claire, his body sagged. “Is she…dead?”

  “No,” Sarah spat. Her gaze was still livid, but she seemed to realize that action was more important than dealing with her husband at that moment. “I can’t wake her, though. What did you give her? Tell me the truth, Thomas, or you may not live long enough to regret lying to me.” I only half doubted her threat.

  “Shaxoa Zarafen, she said that it would make her forget Uriah, that she would only want her Twin Soul. She never said it would hurt her. I promise you I would never harm Claire, not on purpose,” he said, his voice pleading for understanding. He found none.

  Slapping her husband across the face, Sarah turned away from him with disgust. “We need to get Claire to Sophia,” Sarah said quickly.

  “She’s with my mom,” I said. I was still holding Thomas captive.

  “Good. Take Claire to your house so Sophia can look at her. Perhaps she’ll know what to do to help her,” Sarah said, pulling me toward Claire’s body.

  Forcing myself to release Thomas’s arm, I knelt next to Claire. Her lifeless expression tore at me. “Don’t worry, Claire,” I said, “everything will be okay.” I reached down and slid my arms under her body, nearly blacking out when I did. The pain was back. I thought it was gone, that losing my dad was horrible enough to make touching Claire seem inconsequential. The idea of losing Claire was enough to bring it all back. It felt even worse than before. Her small frame felt so light in my arms. I cradled her to my chest, feeling her slow and steady heartbeat.

  “Hurry, Uriah. Get her to Sophia.” Rounding on her husband, I could hear the venom in her voice as she spoke. “Thomas, you and I will go find Quaile. If Sophia can’t help, I think Quaile might be able to tell us what’s happening. The Elders can deal with you later.” Thomas reached out for Claire with a shaking hand. Sarah pushed him away, hard enough to send him sprawling into a chair. If I hadn’t been cradling Claire, I wouldn’t have let him off so easy. My hands were itching to slam into his face.

  “Get your hands away from her. You’ll never set a finger on her again if I have anything to say about it, Thomas,” I growled. The man sobbed quietly. Disgusted by him, Sarah turned away.

    Pushing a set of car keys into my hand, Sarah squeezed my arms tightly. The fear and worry in her voice made me tremble as she spoke. “Take care of her, Uriah. We’ll bring Quaile as quickly as we can.” Her shaking hands pushed me out the door.

  I ran.

  The black SUV was only a few feet from the door, but my steps seemed slow and unnatural. Reaching the passenger’s door in a haze, I gently settled Claire into the seat, strapping the belt around her limp form. I barely noticed anything as I climbed into the driver’s side except Claire’s steady pulse.

  The rocky unpaved roads made the journey twice as long as it should have been. Avoiding potholes, and scraping over the uneven ground, I raced through San Juan. Townspeople stared as I flew past them. A few called after me, but I ignored them. I had wasted so much time being afraid to talk to Claire. One year with her wasn’t enough. This couldn’t be the end for us. Sophia would help her. She had to. I focused on each of Claire’s heartbeats as I drove, terrified that the next one would be her last.

   

   

   

  19: No Other Way

   

   

  Sophia cried out in surprise when I slammed the door of the house open. My sleeping mom was startled awake. Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw the burden I carried. Stumbling into the room, I stopped. My mom was lying on the only piece of furniture currently in the room. Dad’s overstuffed recliner that used to be in the corner had been moved out to the garage because neither of us could bear to use it. I stood staring, unsure of what to do next. Suddenly, Sophia was there, rescuing me from my stupor.

  “Lay her down, Uriah. Hurry,” she demanded.

  I looked down, realizing Sophia had already set out several woven blankets and a pillow on the floor. Carefully, I dropped to my knees and laid Claire’s still body on the hastily made bed. The pain slipped away and my strength returned immediately, leaving me lightheaded.

  “What happened, Uriah?” S
ophia asked.

  The words stuck in my throat as I tried to force myself to say out loud what had happened. “He poisoned her,” I croaked. Falling to my knees, I slipped my arms around Claire’s body. I didn’t care about the pain. It was the only thing keeping me sane.

  “What?” both my mother and Sophia asked in unison.

  “Thomas. He went to Zarafen.” Both women hissed at the mention of her name. “She gave him a potion to make her forget me. I guess he put it in her tea, and a second later she looked like this,” I said. My words tumbled out, nearly incoherent. “She’s so still.” My hand brushed her hair back gently. My lips touched her forehead. Open your eyes, I silently pleaded.

  “Her heart is beating,” Sophia said trying to comfort me.

  I nodded my head. That was the only thing I did know. Even still, my hand slipped down to her slender wrist. Feeling the gentle flow of her blood overpowered the pain and held back my tears. How long could she stay like this? “Can you help her?”

  “I’ll try,” she said. I heard the uncertainty in the healer’s voice. Closing my eyes, I begged whatever god would listen to save her. My parents had never held too closely with any sort of religious devotion outside the tribal beliefs, so I called on the ones I was familiar with now.

  The minutes dragged by as Sophia prepared herbs for teas and retrieved chemical solutions in little glass bottles from her bag. Until my mom’s shaking hand touched my shoulder, I didn’t even realize she had moved from her sick bed. I looked in her eyes and saw such fear, worse even than when she had lain in the grip of the cougar’s jaws. I knew she shouldn’t be up. I needed her near me, though. Her injured leg stuck out at an awkward angle, but she draped her arm around my shoulders, holding me steady when I feared I was slipping away with every faint beat of Claire’s heart.

  Sophia crouched beside Claire and began applying her healing herbs and piercing her skin with needles. I watched, hoping for some response in her limp body. The smells mingled, strong enough to sting my eyes, but did nothing to rouse my precious Claire. I watched the clock hands tick by, counting the long minutes as Sophia worked. Nothing changed. I started to wonder what was taking Claire’s parents so long to get back with Quaile. Perhaps Quaile wouldn’t come after we refused to follow her council. My breathing grew more ragged as I felt hope sliding away from me.

  “Uriah.”

  “Uriah,” Sophia called more urgently. “Calm down, child. Let go of her wrist. You’re squeezing it too tightly.”

  Startled, I released my grip, but not feeling her heart beat under my fingertips was too much to ask of me. I replaced my hand, careful of the pressure I applied, ignoring the unnatural pain that assaulted me. A sharp rap on the door was followed quickly by the familiar creak of its hinges.

  “How is she, Sophia?” Sarah asked, rushing to her daughter’s side. Kneeling next to Claire, she looked expectantly at Sophia.

  “She’s no different from when Uriah got here with her. I don’t know what’s keeping her unconscious,” she admitted. A pang of terror struck me.

  “Your herbs will do no good,” Quaile said shakily.

  Her voice was normally so sure and strong. The tremor of fear I heard now was absolutely stunning. I stared back at her and realized Claire’s father was huddling in the doorway. The urge to grab him and inflict the pain I was feeling back on him was almost too strong to resist. Going after him meant letting go of Claire.

  Sophia’s indignant huff drew my gaze. “How can you know…?”

  “I do not doubt your skill, Healer,” Quaile’s voice interrupted, “but this is no disease or sickness. Neither herbs nor Anglo medicine will cure her. This is magic stronger than I believed Zarafen capable of.”

  “What do you mean?” Sophia asked.

  I was shocked that she didn’t argue about Quaile’s claim of magic. While Sophia did not hold with many of the modern medical practices, despite being a nurse, she was still a practical woman. Her herbs, she argued were given to us by the gods to use for healing. There was nothing magical in them. It was the natural way to heal wounds and sickness. I had always thought that her anger towards Quaile was that she claimed some pathway to mystical power. I wondered now how Sophia accepted the idea of magic so easily.

  “I have heard of this potion, but I’ve never seen it used before. I would not have thought anyone foolish enough to try it,” Quaile said. Her fiery gaze was leveled at Thomas. He cowered under her stare, backing away until he reached the far wall. “Zafaren told Thomas that the potion would make Claire forget Uriah. That is true, in a way. What the potion has done is cast the child into a deep sleep, from which she will not awaken without being given the antidote.”

  “There’s an antidote?” My voice cracked as I spoke, but I felt such unbelievable relief. I stroked Claire’s cheek and a soft sigh escaped her lips. Whatever was necessary, Claire would have the cure.

  “Yes, there is,” Quaile said slowly.

  “Well, tell us what it is, woman. We’re not here for theatrics,” Sophia said harshly.

  “The antidote is very simple. Mint, rosemary, and lavender steeped in a tea, but,” Quaile said, raising a finger to quiet Sophia’s interruption, “the tea must be…administered by her Twin Soul, or else it will not work.”

  “That’s it?” Sophia said. There was a searching question in her dark eyes. “All her Twin Soul has to do is give it to her? There must be more to it than that.”

  “Do not question me, Sophia,” Quaile said. “Claire’s Twin Soul is the only one who can save her. Nothing else will work.” Her voice was surprisingly shrill and tight as she spoke.

  “No,” I said, “you’re only saying that to make me give up on Claire. I won’t do it! Sophia, hurry up and mix the tea.” I waited expectantly for Sophia to move, but she stood, twisting her hands silently.

  “I’ve already tried giving her those herbs, Uriah. They did nothing.”

  “Uriah, I am not trying to trick you about this. I would not do that. I would not have tried to stop you from taking Claire away from the tribe to marry her, either. I only tried to warn you of the consequences,” she said. A weary hand crossed her face, as if brushing away unpleasant thoughts. “Uriah, I am telling you the truth. Claire will stay asleep without the antidote, but this is not a natural sleep. Claire’s soul is locked away from her body by the potion, and without her soul, her body will waste away as her mind dreams of her Twin Soul. Uriah, if you do not find her Twin Soul in time, Claire will die.”

  The room was absolutely silent except for a quick sob from Thomas. I had heard every Twin Soul story there was growing up. I knew exactly what would happen if Claire’s Twin Soul was brought here. “But,” I began, struggling to find the words I needed, “if I find her Twin Soul and let him give her the herbs, she’ll belong to him. She’ll forget about me.”

  “Yes,” Quaile said. There was no satisfaction in her voice. “I am asking you to give Claire up in order to save her life.”

  The words sunk in slowly. How many times had I said to myself that I would do anything for Claire? Never, had I even considered that I would be asked to give her to another man. But how could I refuse? I couldn’t sit by and watch her die. The words stuck in my throat. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Was there no other way?

  “Where is he?” I asked, my rigid throat barely letting the words slip out. I heard my mother start to cry. Her quiet sobs shuddered against my shoulder. Sophia muttered something under her breath that definitely did not sound complimentary. Sarah lowered her head, level with mine, her eyes pleading.

  “I…I’m not sure,” Quaile said.

  Sophia growled at the elderly woman.

  “I mean,” Quaile corrected, “I do not know where he is right now, but as Claire weakens he’ll be drawn to her. He’ll want to save her. In my vision, I saw Claire meeting him in Tucson, Arizona. I don’t know if he will be there now, but it’s a place to start, at least.”

  A place to
start? The Tucson area held more than one million people. And what if he wasn’t even there? Where was I supposed to go next? Hopelessness washed over me.

  My gaze was pulled back to Claire. I stroked her soft hair. It had fallen in rolling waves, swept to one side of her face. Her expression was surprisingly peaceful. She really did look as if she were simply sleeping. If only she would wake up. Running my fingers along her jaw as I had done many times before, fresh tears slipped down my face. Strangling fear gripped me as I wondered if this would be the last time I would touch her so fondly. I gently kissed her lips, my tears wetting her copper skin.

  Reluctantly, I pulled back from her. I stood and turned away from Claire, unable to look at her any longer, not if I would only have to give her up. “Sophia, will you talk to Hale about helping out on the ranch while I’m gone?”

  Sophia nodded. I trusted her. I needed her right now. I was leaving so much behind.

  “My truck has to stay here. It’s the only vehicle we have and Hale needs it to do the work on the ranch.” I had to leave. There was no telling how long Claire might have. I had to leave right now, but there was so much standing in my way. 

  “Take one of our vehicles,” Thomas said. His voice was barely loud enough to be heard, but the desperation behind his words was deafening.

  I nodded curtly. I wasn’t about to thank him, not when all of this was his fault. Sophia returned from the kitchen. I hadn’t even seen her leave. She carried a bulging pack and canteen. Shoving them into my arms, she tried to remain stoic, but worry shone in her eyes. The canteen sloshed as I accepted the packages with my thanks. “Go and change your clothes,” she ordered, “I’ll gather whatever else I can find.”

  I looked down, realizing that I still wore my ceremonial clothing. Had it really only been earlier that afternoon that Claire and I stood before Quaile? Dazed by the flood of events, I carefully set the food and water down. Somehow my feet carried me to my room. I undressed in haste, though I felt as if time had slowed to a hazy crawl. I was leaving. I was leaving my injured mother and my poisoned fiancée behind.

  When I reemerged from the room, clothed in my regular work clothes once again, the scene had changed considerably. The old recliner had been pulled out of the garage and covered with blankets and pillows. I was thankful for the blanket covering it. It was still hard to look at that chair and not feel the pain of my dad’s death.

  My mom was resting in the chair, her injured leg propped up carefully under a pile of pillows. Claire’s body had been moved from the floor to the couch, closer to the fire. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat. It made her look more alive.

  “Cole is on his way with a car. He should be here soon,” Sarah said. She gripped my hand and held me with her eyes. “Maybe Quaile is wrong about losing Claire to this other man. You have to have hope, Uriah.”

  My jaw tightened to keep it from quivering like a scared child. Burying her face in my chest, I could feel her tears dampening my shirt. My arms instinctively wrapped around her small shoulders. “I won’t let her go without a fight,” I said.

  Sarah pulled away from me with a firm smile. Handing me my pack of food and supplies, she said, “I know you won’t, Uriah. And neither will she.”

  I went to my mom next. Looking up at me, her face was hard. She was scared. I was sure that my own expression mirrored hers. I wanted to apologize to her for leaving, tell her it would be okay, but her eyes told me it was unnecessary. She knew my fears and regrets because she shared them.

  “Go, Uriah. I’ll be fine. Hale is a good worker, and Sophia will stay with me as long as I need her. Go.” I knelt by her side and wrapped her in my arms. “Just be careful. There’s no telling what you might come across out there,” she said gravely. “Come back to me. Come back to Claire.” Not wanting to stay in the room any longer, I turned to face the door. I needed to leave, but my feet denied my desires and carried me back to my precious Claire.

  Leaning close to her, I whispered, “I love you.” My lips touched hers for a brief second before the pain was too great and I bolted out the door.

   

   

   

  20: A Chance

   

   

  The air flowed into my lungs more easily outside. I looked around, hoping to see Cole on his way with one of his family’s vehicles. The night was quiet and the moon revealed every rock in the road. I stood in the driveway staring down the uneven dirt road. Shouldn’t Cole have gotten here by now? Taking a step toward the road, I decided to go after him. The seconds ticking away were precious heartbeats Claire could not spare.

  “Uriah,” a tired voice called out. “I need to speak with you before you go.”

  “Quaile?”

  “Uriah, there was more to my vision this morning than I told you at the Council House,” she said.

  I stopped, waiting for her explanation.

  “I have known you since your birth. I was there. Did you know that?” she asked. I shook my head. “No? Well, I was. I try to attend the birth of every child in the tribe.”

  I shrugged impatiently. Was this important, considering the situation? She nodded as if reading my thoughts.

  “Sometimes when I attend a birth I am given a glimpse of the infant’s future,” she said. “Your birth was especially unique for me. Usually if I see anything, I see only a few random images, if any tragedy will befall the person, when they will die, who they marry, major events that will affect them. But you, your birth was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

  “As you took your first breath I was swept up in a vision so strong it left me with no strength afterward. I saw you as a young man fighting your way through thick forests. I could not tell what was attacking you, but they were more than mere animals or even men. You were searching for something, but you could not get away from your enemies.

  “There was such strength in you. The evil beings were terrified of what you might do, and were conspiring to stop you. Then, suddenly, the vision changed. You were standing in a barren valley, surrounded by beasts and monsters. A man stood on a hill above you laughing as if he had gone mad, holding a young woman, daring you to rescue her.”

  “Claire?” I asked, enraptured by her vivid story.

  “No. I have never seen the woman before,” Quaile said.

  I wanted to push her out of the way and tell her to quit wasting my time. “Then what does all of this matter?” I needed to get out of here.

  “I do not know, Uriah. I don’t fully understand the dreams, but one thing was made clear to me, today, when you approached the Elders. The same vision repeated this morning with one small difference. It began with you taking the first steps of this journey to save Claire’s life. I did not know that Claire would be poisoned today. I only saw her injured and in need. If you leave tonight, you will be setting yourself on the path the vision foretold. There is more to you than you could ever have imagined. This journey will reveal that to you,” the shaman said. “This decision will change your life, Uriah. You will not be able to turn back once you begin.”

  “I don’t care, Quaile,” I said, exasperated with the entire conversation. “What would you like me to do, stay here and let Claire die?”

  “Of course not. I am merely trying to warn you. My vision held many dangers, physical and otherwise. There are good reasons why so few find their Twin Soul. There are forces in this world that will do anything to keep Twin Souls apart forever. You should not walk into that kind of situation blindly,” she said. Her withered frame leaned heavily on her cane. Quaile’s eyes closed for a second and she sighed as if finally letting go of a heavy burden. I couldn’t understand the relevance of what she had just told me.

  Clenching my jaw in frustration, I took several deep breaths. Warn me? What exactly had she warned me about? I might end up in the middle of a forest, or fighting hoards of evil beasts to rescue a woman I had never met. How did that help me? I was still as blind as I was be
fore she told me of her cryptic vision. I’d had more than enough of this woman for one day.

  “Quaile,” I said through clenched teeth, “thank you for your warning. I intend to leave tonight, regardless. If you have any useful information that will help me save Claire, her Twin Soul’s name, maybe, I would be more than happy to hear it.”

  Her wrinkled eyes narrowed and her lips thinned into an irritated line. As nice as I thought I had been, Quaile didn’t seem to appreciate my tone. Prideful and frustrating to the end, that was Quaile. Blowing out a breath I had been holding without realizing, my stance softened. Obviously accepting the change as the only apology she was going to receive, Quaile touched my shoulder gently.

  “I’m sorry that you have to do this, Uriah. If there was anyone in this world who deserved a life of peace and joy, it would be you. You have always been such a strong and kind young man,” she said. Pausing, she reached into her pocket and drew a thin line of dark string out. “Claire’s Twin Soul does not have to see her to complete the connection. All he has to do is touch some part of her.”

  Gently, she laid the token in my hand. The cold strands tickled my palm as I realized it was not a simple string, but a strand of Claire’s hair.

  “If he touches this, he will come. He will have to come. His name is Daniel.”

  I wanted to throw the strand away, wanting nothing that would seal Claire’s fate. My hand sat open, though, and I stared at the lock of hair. Could it really be that simple? One touch, and Claire would forget every kiss, every caress we had shared, and every dream we held deep in our hearts. Would she even notice my heart breaking and falling at her feet?

  “Perhaps,” Quaile said softly, “you will not need this. Maybe you will convince him to come without it and find a way to keep the connection from forming. There may still be hope.”

  Though her words were optimistic, the quiver in her voice revealed her true feelings. Unfortunately, that was exactly what I was hoping to do, save Claire without losing her forever. My hope was barely more than Quaile’s, but I was clinging to it fiercely. “I won’t lose her,” I said. Her expression melted into a mask of pity. Wanting to shake the look off her face, I instead simply said, “Thank you, Quaile.”

  The shaman’s lips parted, about to speak again when the purr of an engine reached us. Quaile grimaced, disturbed by the interruption. Turning away from her, I walked closer to the road. Cole wasn’t far away, now. I silently pleaded with him to hurry. Glancing back toward the house, I jumped when I realized Quaile was still standing behind me.

  “Just be careful, Uriah,” she whispered, then turned and headed back into the house.

  Her quick departure made me pause. Knowing that she had wanted to say more, I wondered about what had been left out. Was there more to the vision? Stepping toward the house, I wanted to ask her for the whole truth. The scattering of rocks and cut of an engine stopped me.

   

   

   

  21: Unwanted Companion

   

   

  “Uriah,” Cole called out. “What’s going on? My dad said Claire was sick, or something, and told me to bring you something to drive. I came as fast as I could.”

  Forgetting the frustrating shaman, my direction changed, rushing over to the massive truck Cole was climbing out of. Thomas’s Dodge Ram Mega Cab was his pride and joy. A part of me was thrilled to be taking it away. I held my hand out for the keys, but was quickly stalled when Cole snorted at my request. Claire’s brother or not, I really wanted to punch him. What was I supposed to drive then?

  “Yeah right, Uriah. My dad would die if I let you take his truck,” Cole said. Shutting the cab door, he hurried around to the truck bed. Moonlight glinted off the smooth curves of a Harley Davidson Sportster. Thomas had made such a big deal about the bikes a few weeks ago when he brought them home. Accusing him of being in the throes of a mid-life crisis, Sarah had thrown a fit. They had not been allowed to leave the garage yet. Happy to cause Thomas pain of any kind, a rueful smile snuck onto my face.

  Cole had the bike unloaded before I was done enjoying my small moment of vengeance. Tossing me a helmet, he asked, “So what’s going on?”

  Forgetting the bike immediately, my gaze turned back toward the house. “Claire was poisoned,” I said, unable to come up with any better word for the situation. “I have to go find someone who can help her.” Snatching the keys from Cole’s hand, I climbed onto the bike and brought the engine to life.

  “Poisoned?” Cole asked. “By who?”

  “Your father,” I growled before kicking away the stand and twisting the clutch. Not used to such rough treatment, the bike leapt forward when I slammed the gas down as far as it would go. Leaning into the wind, I kept the sleek bike running hard. The cool night air rushed into my face and lungs. I struggled to clear my head, to force away thoughts of Thomas’s betrayal. It wasn’t until I heard a second roar coming up behind me that I eased up on the gas. Cole’s voice crackled in my ear through a set of speakers wired into the helmet.

  “Damn it, Uriah, you’re going to overheat the engine before we even get off the reservation if you don’t ease up. They’re not used to running so hard. There not used to running at all, actually.”

  Slowing my pace, I stared at Cole in confusion. I forgot Thomas had brought home two of the motorcycles, thinking he would be forgiven if he claimed it was for father-son bonding. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  Cole’s eyebrows rose. His shoulders shrugged as if I had just asked him why the sky was blue. “I’m coming with you,” he said as if the answer should have been perfectly obvious.

  Eyeing the pack strapped behind his seat, I realized what had taken him so long to get to my house. He had taken the time to pack extra clothes before running off. I doubted there was anything useful in the pack. As usual, Cole was more concerned about staving off boredom, and looking good while doing it, than being on time. I sighed. That was harsh. Cole didn’t deserve my anger, though he was still plenty irritating.

  After admitting to myself this afternoon that I could make people do what I wanted I decided I should try very hard not to tell people to do anything, just ask them. I was willing to put that on hold for Cole. Picking the pace back up, I turned on Cole. “Don’t be such an idiot. I barely have enough supplies for myself, and I’m not even sure where I’m going. Your parents need you. Go back,” I said firmly.

  Cole was only about eight months older than me, but his pampered lifestyle as Thomas Brant’s only son had always made him seem much younger. There was no way I was letting him tag along behind me the whole way. Seeing that he was still following, I came to an abrupt halt. The bike fishtailed and nearly threw me to the ground. Cole slowed as well, driving back a few yards to stop beside me.

  “I’m not going back, Uriah,” he said. The fact that he didn’t just turn around surprised me, and ticked me off. His easy nonchalance irritated me even more than usual.

  “I am not asking you to turn back, Cole, I’m telling you. You are not coming with me.” I moved to start riding again, but Cole quickly steered his bike in front of me. “Stop being a jerk, Cole. I’m not babysitting you so you can get out from under your dad’s eye for a few days.”

  Swinging his leg around, Cole stepped off his bike and sauntered over to me. Why wasn’t he listening? I told him to go home, but he was still arguing with me. Was there some kind of obnoxiousness filter I couldn’t break through with him? Cole planted himself in front of me with a smirk. His casual arrogance electrified my mind. Ready to push him out of my way, I didn’t even realize Cole was moving until a sharp pain slammed into my face. I felt air rushing past me as I fell backward. The bike came with me. Crashing into the rock strewn ground blasted the air from my lungs.

  I was laid out on the ground, gasping for breath, watching the stars swim in frenzied circles. I tried to pull myself up, ready to launch a fist at my unwanted companion, when I realized six hundred pou
nds of motorcycle had pinned my leg to the ground. Cole waited for me to ask him to help me up. I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction. Straining against the metal, I heaved it up in one swift push. Cole’s jaw dropped. Watching Cole’s smirk disappear made the pain in my leg inconsequential. Using the bike for support, I started to stand up.

  The glint of black steel under Cole’s light jacket stopped me cold.

  “I’m not leaving,” Cole said fiercely, unaware of what I had seen.

  “Where the hell did you get that?” I said, still shocked by the look of violence etched in his features.

  Cole stopped, confused by my angry question. Following my gaze, he realized what I was staring at. “Did you even bring a weapon?” Cole asked.

  “What are you talking about? Why would I need to bring a gun? I’m just going to find some guy that can help Claire,” I said. Every minute I spent talking was time I wasn’t looking for Claire’s Twin Soul. “I don’t plan on killing anybody along the way, Cole. I don’t need your help. Especially not that kind of help.”

  “If you think you can just wander through the desert alone, with no weapon, you’re a fool,” Cole said. His tone was dark.

  I suddenly wondered why I was listening to him. Cole knew nothing more of the world outside the reservation than I did. Traveling to Santa Fe once or twice a week with his dad hardly qualified him to give me advice on the dangers of travelling alone. My finger raised, I voiced my demand one more time.

  “Go home, now, Cole.”

  “You’re not the only one who loves her, Uriah.” Pure determination was etched in his face. His sister was in trouble, and he was going to help. Maybe his obnoxiousness wasn’t what was keeping him from listening to me. Cole’s hands swung down fluidly, out and away from his body, turned up in a peaceful gesture.

  The immature, flighty Cole I thought I knew had disappeared, replaced by this determined rescuer, casually carrying a gun and speaking of the dangers of the road. I had wondered whether this was about Claire as much as a chance to get away. There wasn’t any doubt anymore.  Suddenly Cole’s talk of danger reminded me of another’s warning. It had only been a few minutes earlier that Quaile stood before me, warning me of wars and beasts. I hadn’t even considered needing a weapon before rushing away. What else had Cole planned for that I hadn’t?

  “Fine,” I said, my anger dissipated somewhat. Calmly nodding his thanks, Cole sauntered over to my bike and held a hand out to me. I took it and pulled myself back up. Having Cole along with me still didn’t make me very happy, but I had to respect his desire to come. Spending too much time with Cole made my head want to explode. He could talk for hours about cell phones and cars, neither of which I had or cared about. Back on the bike, I wanted to get going before anything else tried to delay me.

   A quick pull on my arm had me turning back toward Cole. Pointing to my helmet, Cole said, “Keep the headset on.”

  I wanted to throw the helmet into a pit of rattlesnakes if it meant I wouldn’t have to listen to Cole the whole trip, but I knew my mom would be furious if she knew I was riding without one. I took a moment to adjust the helmet so it would ride more snugly on my head. The chirp of Cole’s voice in my ear renewed my desire to punch him in the face. I didn’t even hear what he said. Wanting to floor it, but knowing how foolish that would be, I eased the bike back onto the road. Looking over at Cole, I asked, “Do your parents even know you left?”

  His serious demeanor cracked, the corners of his mouth turning up. “They’ll never even notice I’m gone.”

  I shook my head wearily. That was the Cole I knew. Of course his parents would notice when he didn’t come back. Most likely, Thomas would blame me for Cole’s brash decision and set the police on me the second I stepped back in San Juan. Sarah would be furious. “Your mom is going to kill you when we get back,” I said. I couldn’t see his face, but the sharp cough I heard through the headset told me that he was not excited about the prospect of facing his mother. She could be just as fierce and stubborn as her husband when it came to protecting her children.

  “She’ll understand,” Cole said after clearing his voice again.

  “Well, I guess she has some other stuff to deal with right now, anyway.” I clenched the handlebars as I thought about Thomas. I was confident Sarah would dole out a deserving punishment, and if the Elders got into it as well, Thomas would be paying penance for the rest of his life. Quaile had little patience for fools who risked going to the Shaxoa for help. Even speaking Zarafen’s name in Quaile’s presence brought a sharp slap more often than not.

  “Like I said, I doubt my mom will even realize I’m gone,” Cole said again. This time I didn’t argue with him. If I were sitting next to Claire when her life was in danger, I doubted I would notice much of anything else either.

  I wondered if there was any hope in my mission. The only clue I had was that at some point in her life Claire would have met her Twin Soul in Tucson. Surely Quaile knew more than she had been willing to tell me. Again I wondered what she had been about to say when Cole had driven up, and grimaced at the thought. I had so many unanswered questions screaming for answers right now. I could hardly stand being inside my own mind.

  Cole would undoubtedly prove to be a hindrance, but for the time being I seemed unable to get rid of him. Pulling ahead of Cole just enough to get him out of my sightline, I turned my attention to the surrounding desert, needing something to distract me. For some, the high desert was nothing more than sand and scrub brush, but I had always enjoyed the simple lines of the scenery. The sandstone bluffs, backlit by the setting sun were a monument to the power of wind and time.

  The massive structures had been etched by the elements, wind scouring the sides of the towers, time eroding the steep cliffs into graceful slopes. Smaller sandstone monuments dotted the landscape, each unique, creating a stage of posing dancers on the desert floor. The landscape reminded me of Claire, dancing onstage in a swirl of beauty and grace.

  Although the desert looked barren to unfamiliar eyes, I watched the small, twisted piñon and juniper trees clustered in small groups, wondering what animals were taking shelter in their branches. I knew that while some animals were crawling into the holes and cracks of the desert, others were just beginning to wake up. Coyotes, grey wolves, spotted owls, bats, and others were about to begin their nightly hunts. The far off howl of a coyote made me shiver. I hoped they really were far away and would stay that way for the night.

  The long line of asphalt stretched on, winding its way through the quiet desert night. A few hours later, my head started to dip, sending my bike into lazy arcs. I couldn’t keep going for much longer. Tucson was eight hours from San Juan, and that would most likely only be the beginning. Up well before dawn, everything that had happened that day started to take its toll. Fatigue seeped through the adrenaline fueled wave I had been riding since seeing my mom attacked. Cole rode smoothly, alert and ready for any kind of danger.

  “Keep your eyes out for somewhere to stop for the night,” I said. Cole nodded, happy to have his presence acknowledged. His head swiveled from side to side, scanning the open landscape. At least he’s eager, I thought. I would be more than happy to let him take the first watch tonight. I had no fear of roaming bandits like Cole, but there were plenty of coyotes and other predators in the desert, hungry for what little food I had with me.

  Thoughts of sleeping, even if it was on the ground, sapped my remaining strength. Guilt swept over me as I thought of Claire lying on a bed, her life slipping away. How could I worry about getting enough sleep when I held her only chance at survival in my hands? Hoping Cole would find a campsite soon, I struggled to keep my eyes open.

   

   

   

  22: Falling Rocks

   

   

  “Uriah.”

  I heard the words a few hours later, somewhere in the distance, but couldn’t force myself to respond.

  “Uri
ah,” Cole said, his voice practically yelling in my ear. A wobble in my steering snapped my eyes open. I had almost fallen asleep. I may have actually been asleep, though I’m not sure how I’d kept the bike upright if I was. Not wanting to think about what would happen if I fell asleep, I answered him. “What, Cole?”

  “I think I know of a place to stop for the night,” Cole said. “It’s just ahead on the right.”

  “What? Oh, great. Lead the way,” I mumbled. Slowing quickly, Cole turned onto an unmarked dirt road. Finally fully awake again, I saw the low line of sandstone bluffs against the dark, starlit horizon. We drove right up to the base before rolling to a stop where the bluff pulled back enough to create a half formed cave guarded by desert trees on two sides.

  “Me and some of my friends have camped out here before. I wasn’t sure I could find it in the dark, but here it is,” Cole said proudly. Bottles and other bits of litter were scattered around the area. Apparently Cole and his friends weren’t the only ones that came out here. At least it was deserted tonight.

  “Yeah, that’s great, Cole. Thanks.” Pulling myself down from my bike I heard the quiet trickle of falling rocks. “Did you hear that?”

  “Hear what?” Cole asked. He watched me, probably wondering if I was actually awake.

  “Nothing,” I said. “It was just the wind or something.” I reached for the pack strapped to the back of my bike and realized it was way too small to hold any kind of blanket. I was so unprepared for this trip it was astounding. Maybe Cole had brought an extra blanket.

  “Uriah!” Cole screamed.

  Turning toward his panicked voice, I saw it. The sleek tawny fur shimmered in the moonlight. My gut clenched, and threatened to twist me in two at the sight of another mountain lion. The sickening feelings from earlier today returned in full. Trying to control my panic, I held perfectly still. The other mountain lion backing down from me was just a weird fluke. There was no way I would get that lucky twice in one day. In reality, the way this day was going, it was a sure bet luck would not be on my side.

  Ready to run for my life, I watched the animal for any sign of attack. The mountain lion stood calmly, watching our movements. Amazed it hadn’t yet attacked, I risked a glance at Cole. In one swift motion, he tossed a gun to me, raising his own in his other hand. Caught off guard, I was forced to take a step toward the animal to reach the weapon. My heart nearly stopped. The mountain lion tensed, but didn’t run away or attack.  

  “What is it doing?” Cole asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of a cougar behaving like this.” Saying that felt like déjà vu would have been an understatement. Despite its size, the cat looked at me, as curious as a kitten. Watching every move we made, it seemed relatively unafraid. I knew I should be running in terror, but a strange compulsion to approach the animal overpowered my better judgment. Hesitantly, I took a step toward it.

  “Uriah, stop,” Cole hissed. His gun ready, he took a step to the side.

  The cougar didn’t seem interested in what Cole was doing, only in me. I wanted to puke, but I took another step. The cougar stepped forward as well. Cole sucked in a lungful of air. He was ready to spring. Holding a hand up to him, I warned him to wait. I needed to keep going. I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow I felt certain the animal wouldn’t attack. I could almost sense its thoughts. It waited for me to move closer.

  Mirroring my movements, the mountain lion moved only after I took a step myself. In a matter of seconds, I stood within inches of the great beast’s muzzle. Cole watched in horror as the mountain lion’s head bobbed up and down, nuzzling my fingertips. My hands seemed to move without my permission, reaching up to scratch the cat’s ears as if it was an old family pet. My mind was begging me to run, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I held my stance, amazed and terrified. A deep thrumming came from the animal.

  “What are you doing to it?” Cole whispered. “It’s purring!”

  “Nothing,” I said. I was completely bewildered by the animal’s reactions. “I have no idea what’s happening.”

  “Why doesn’t it attack us?”

  I shrugged. I had no answer for that either. Wondering what made this mountain lion and the one that had attacked my mom behaved so strangely, yet so differently, I watched it carefully. The cougar moved freely now, curling itself around me, purring with contentment. I couldn’t help but move away, scared by its contact. The animal was undaunted, though, stepping forward again and nuzzling my hand until I reached up to rub the top of its head once more.

  “What do we do now?” Cole asked in a childish whine.

  I was about to speak when a picture began to form in my mind unexpectedly. Two forms wrapped in blankets slept beneath a scrubby piñon tree. I realized the tree was in the same area I was standing in right at that moment. The picture sharpened. Cole and I were the sleeping forms. The mountain lion sat nearby, guarding us. Guarding us from what, I couldn’t tell, but there was something the cougar feared would harm us. The instant my weary mind understood the messages, they vanished. The mountain lion licked my hand, bringing me back to reality.

  I jumped away from the animal immediately. Where had the image come from? I stared back at the animal. Its head bobbed slightly. Was it nodding at me? It couldn’t possibly have come from the mountain lion, could it have? How was it able to reach into my thoughts? The connection shocked me, but somehow the communication felt very natural to me, as if I should have always been able to do it. “I think it’s is offering to guard us while we sleep,” I said shakily.

  “Are you insane? I’m not sleeping with that thing nearby. We have to leave right now, Uriah.” Cole took a slow step backward, his gun still held firmly in front of him.

  As if understanding Cole’s discomfort, the mountain lion turned and walked to the edge of the rocky indention. Casually, the mountain lion faced the bluffs and sat on its haunches. As I watched it sit so calmly, my fear disappeared on the warm desert breeze. Every part of my soul told me to trust it, told me it would protect me. Then there was that underlying fear that came from the animal. There was something out there in the dark that it feared. Trusting it made little sense, but I knew we might not make it through the night if I didn’t.

  “I don’t think its leaving, Cole, and neither are we,” I said with authority. I didn’t think I would ever be able to explain the trust I was putting in the animal, but I was convinced I was right to do so.

  Sputtering out useless objections, Cole made no move to get ready to sleep. “Uriah, that thing is a wild animal! We can’t just lie down and go to sleep while it’s sitting there waiting to eat us.”

  “If it was going to hurt us, it would have done it by now, don’t you think?” I countered.

  Cole paused for half a second before saying, “It’s a wild animal. Think of your mom for crying out loud!”

  My face soured immediately. Memories of the blood seeping out of her leg ran through my mind. I had already relived them too many times to count that day, wishing I had gotten there sooner. “I know what happened to my mom, Cole. I’m not an idiot. But I’m telling you that this mountain lion is not going to hurt us.” I paused, knowing that I did, indeed, sound like an idiot. “I can’t explain it, Cole, but I know it won’t hurt us. Just try to get some sleep, okay?”

  Cole stared at me, most likely regretting his decision to follow me. If he wasn’t here in the morning, I would certainly understand. The calm feeling the animal seemed to emit was apparently not quite reaching Cole. It sat placidly, taking in our exchange. I wasn’t sure, but he seemed to be listening.

  Watching the cat carefully, I slowly walked back to my dust covered bike. Still unable to explain the calmness I felt at the mountain lion’s presence, I had no other option than to simply take it a face value. Feelings of loyalty and friendship emanated from the animal. Whatever the source of these strange emotions, I was willing to take whatever help I could get at this point. Making friends with a mo
untain lion seemed relatively minor when it came to saving Claire’s life. There was no going back. Quaile was at least right about that.

  “Cole,” I said, interrupting his continuing tirade, “do you have an extra blanket?” He stared at me as if I had suddenly become the mountain lion myself. “No? Fine, I’ll just use my extra shirt.”

   Removing the spare clothing quickly, I folded the thin t-shirt and walked to the lopsided tree I had seen in the mountain lion’s vision. My earlier exhaustion rolled over me once again, stronger than before. Something about what had just happened seemed very familiar to me, but I had no more patience for Cole or the mountain lion. Lying down at the tree’s base, I fell asleep within minutes, my subconscious trying to help me find answers to at least some of the questions I had.